Christmas and post-Christmas

I have been on leave since Christmas and it has been nice not really doing anything. I spent one morning creating a to-do list but nothing on that list has been crossed off :) I then debated whether I should make a 'Resolutions' list or a 'Goals' list. The jury is still out on that one. Suggestions are welcome :)

I thought I would spend time with Rubhi but she has gone off to church camp and will be back only on Sunday so I still have time to myself over the next 2 days to do something about my to-do list.

This was a strange Christmas for me because it was the first one when Jennani was not home for Christmas. After coming for my 50th birthday she felt it was too expensive to come again so soon so she has been staying with friends. Maya cooked us a really nice family dinner on Christmas eve and that really felt Christmas-sy as she had the table all prettily laid out with Christmas crackers too. Then of course there was wine. My family's wine intake has increased by 200% since the arrival of my niece :) We went to church for Christmas service at 10pm and it finished at around midnight, after which we went back to Maya's to open presents and drink more wine.

Christmas day started off all in a frenzy as my 2 sisters-in-law had come to spend Christmas Eve at our place and one of them offered to make the lasagna for dinner that night. I had planned to do some last minute shopping after church but had to go to get the ingredients she needed before church so that she could cook and that kind of made me late for church so I felt quite frazzled when I got to church. But the carols soon calmed me down and Joshua's sermon was superb. Durai's family came over for Christmas dinner and it was a record number this year as there were 30 people there. As usual I made too much food (I have a perennial fear that I would run out of food and year after year I end up with huge amounts of leftovers). I made Maya nd family come over the next day to eat the leftovers and there is still stuff in the fridge now!!! Sigh...

Well, that's Christmas over and New Year 3 days away. I have decided that this year I will go to the Covenant Service before making my way to my brother-in-law's place for the annual eve of New Year dinner. The service is at 8 instead of 10.30pm as it usually is, so I can make it to the dinner by 10.30pm methinks.

So my friends, what are your hopes for 2008? Leave me a note if you have any prayer requests and I promise to remember you in my prayers :)

Getting Ready for New Experiences

A lot has been happening with me and I guess that's why I haven't been updating as often as I used to.

After coming back from UK I felt I really had been travelling too much and hadn't spent much time with my family. So we went for 3 days to KL, checked into Eastin Hotel and did nothing but chill and just hang around. It was terribly anti-social of me but I didn't even pop by to my sister's much as I just wanted to take things easy, not do anything at all. And I am glad I did because I felt really more relaxed and refreshed after that short trip.

It was during this trip too that a momentous decision was made in the family, and that was to send Rubhi to Melbourne to do Foundation Studies rather than carry on with her 'A' levels. I am glad we had the chance to talk about this and I am glad she is gungho enough to try an alternative route. So since we got back I have been talking to a lot of people - people who have sent their children there, people in professional circles who hire workers, office colleagues, young people who have been there and back - and I haven't heard a single dissenting voice. I think the only dissenting voice has been from Rubhi's cell friends! In fact the only worry people have expressed is that Rubhi would be homesick and that I would miss her. The first thing Jen asked was "Is she ready to go? And are you ready for her to go?" :)

Am I ready for her to go? 2 weeks ago I would have said yes. Since receiving the acceptance letter, I am not so sure :) I suppose a lot of it is psychological. I was ready that she would go in 2009. In fact I told her a few months ago that I would want to send her to an overseas university after her 'A' levels however well she does. It is my personal opinion that our schools teach too much. We set such high expecatations in terms of content knowledge right from primary school and then we up the stakes in secondary school and pre-univeristy that by the time they go to university there is little choice but to teach at an ever higher level. The result of this is young people who spend a lot of time studying and accummulating content knowledge but with little time to develop life skills that they really need. Sad. So, I may not be ready as a mother but I am ready as an educator.

As a mother? Yes, I am anxious. I know there will be homesickness. I know I will miss her like I miss Jennani. But I also know that she will make friends and that she will learn new things and have new experiences that will shape and mould her. I worry that she will be lonely or that she will be sick. But I also know that I have good friends and relatives in Melbourne whom I can count on. So it is matter of telling my heart to believe what my mind knows :)

It looks like 2008 is going to be a year of new experiences for me. It will be a year when both my children will not be at home for the first time. I have a new boss at work. Maya and Rohan would have gone back. Suddenly the year seems to stretch ahead of me.

Sleepless in Singapore

It is 4.20am and I can't sleep. Not sure if it isbecause I am jetlagged or because of my cough. But I have been so busy since I came back that I rather welcome this opportunity to have some quiet and to gather my thoughts. Blogging has in some strange way become therapeutic, almost (but not quite) as journalling.

Work has piled up in office largely due to me having been away for so long. I feel the length of my absence especially in the amount of office gossip and happenings that I have to be filled in on :) I spent the whole of my first day back at work just clearing my email yet there were still 21 unread emails in my inbox when I left work yesterday. But it felt good to be back and to fit back into the office chatter. I was a bit sad though to learn that my two immediate neighbours Ben and Martin would be moving into new cubicles in Jan. I shall miss the casual chats we have - I know from past experience that somehow when people aren't in the cubicle right next to you, there is a little bit more effort that one has to make.

But I am far sadder over the fact that my birthday party photos turned out badly. I have been waiting to get the photos before I blogged about my party so I could share the moments. Well I saw the photos on Tuesday and my heart ached. I actually came home and cried. Some of the photos had double images, most of them were dark but worst of all, there were just no photos at all of some people I had posed with . The most unforgivable omission of all to me was the group photo I had taken with my 7 sisters. That was a really important moment for me and the photographer just didn't manage to get it.

I don't know what it is with me and photos but I just love them. My home is full of photo albums and I just get pleasure out of looking at old photos. In fact one of my post-retirement plans was to take a course in photography and to catalogue all the photos I have. I had been really looking forward to the 50th birthday album I was going to put together. I was first disappointed when the photos taken at my family party on the 7th were botched because I had set the camera for nightime and my daughters had not realised that when they snapped the photos. As a result most of the photos were shaky. I was sad then but I knew the fault was as much mine, as I should have warned my girls about it. But I had higher hopes pinned on the photographer for my party as I thought he would do a good job. And I was also excited over the fact that I would have all my friends I had not met for ages and my family who lives in different parts of the globe with me that evening.

I don't know what life lesson I am supposed to learn from this disappointment. Right now I am not ready for it. But I suppose as with all things I will come to accept it and move on. And Saro - thanks for the long call to commiserate with me :)

Hello from London

So here I am at an Internet cafe on Cromwell Road, London, blogging. Am in London for work and it's really cold. Well, maybe not really cold because it is still autumn and not winter yet. I am not planning to stick around till then to find out. I'm glad there is a label for the way I feel though - Seasonal Affective Disorder - SAD, which is how the cold makes me feel... Give me sunshine, baby :)

Well, due to a spectacular mix-up I'm here one day before the actual meeting date so I had a free day's stay in London. I spent the early part of the morning sorting out the problem and then spent the rest of the day wandering around. Thanks to Maya's tip off I walked down to Holy Trinity Brompton, harbouring hopes of running into Nicky Gumbel, the ALPHA man himself, but no luck. The church too was closed because they had had an ALPHA meeting last night and they were re-arranging the chairs etc. So I wandered around the bookshop, then had an expensive lunch (£9 for a baguette and soup!!) before visiting the Natural History Museum. I must say it was interesting and I was awed by the dinosaur at the entrance as well as the huge Blue Whale. I must confess there were moments when I doubted how Job could have been swallowed by a fish and how he survived inside it till it spewed him out at Nineveh, but after seeing that Blue Whale, I doubt no more! :)

I can't wait to go home - not just to get out of this cold, but also because I just want some routine in my life again. I am such a routine kind of person. Things at home have been out of synch for a while now with my family visiting, my China trip, then my birthday bash and now my UK trip, so I'm just tired. I want the familiarity of waking, praying and yes, even going to work. I want to not have to think about what to wear. And update my blog. Well, Neen, you will have to wait longer for an update now.

I guess this is as good a time as any to learn to just live in the present, to take each day as it comes and to do just what I need to do today.... I truly believe God planted us just where we are meant to be. I am meant for the sunshine :)

It Was A Blast!

To all those who are keen to know what happened for my birthday, I am afraid you will have to wait. I had 2 parties - one thrown by my sisters on my actual birthday and the other bash organised by my niece, daughters and 3 ex-students on the 10th. Five of my sisters have gone back, the last 2 at 6.30am this morning; Jennani left 2 hours ago and I am in the middle of my frenzied packing before I leave in 8 hours; time for London for work. I hope I'll be able to catch my breath in London and hopefully update! For now let me just say, it was a blast, I had a great time, it was lovely to see so many of my friends and family and I am really grateful to all those who came to celebrate with me :)

Happy Birthday to me

So this it. I am 50. Strange how everything feels exactly the same it did yesterday. Hahahaha. I had a great day even though as I suspected a number of people forgot it was my birthday today. I'm sure I'm going to be getting the usual apologetic calls and sms-es tomorrow or even the day after. Then there will be the handful who will think forever more that my birthday is on 10th Nov :)

I had two surprises today - a huge bouquet of chocolates that Neena sent me - 50 of them with the express command that I am not to share them. Hahaha - Neen can you imagine what I would look like if I did? But it was a sweet thing to do though if I could have chosen, I would have preferred you at my party than the chocs:) And a lovely orchid plant from my student Anitha. Thanks a lot my dear. It was a lovely surprise & again, I wish you could come :)

Then in the evening, my sisters threw me a great party. It was a strange experience for me, being the reason why my sisters had gathered. To be honest, I had mixed feelings - I was really, really touched at the fact that they have all made the effort to come all the way to celebrate my 50th. But also saddened a little by the fact that a number of them struggled to remember something about me. The most anecdotes about me had to do with me being sick or being taken to hospital :) My sister Mena, however, wrote a really lovely 'poem' that showed me how she, among all my sisters, had been so much a part of my life. But this is an aspect of my family life that I have come to accept - that it was just the way things were, that my parents were so old when I was born and my sisters had all left home to pursue their studies / career or to start their own families while I was growing up and I was always on the periphery of things. And it was as my nephew Vijay said - that my nieces and nephews seemed more like my siblings than my sisters and although I was the youngest in my family, I was often in the role of being the 'eldest' among my nephews and nieces. And I must admit I did my fair share of bullying of my nieces and nephews :) Speaking of whom, I was really really really happy and touched that my niece Mala made a surprise trip all the way from New Zealand to be at my birthday. She flew in this morning and walked into my party. What a lovely, lovely surprise.

Anyway, it was a great evening. My brother-in-law cooked, we played games, we reminiscenced, we had cake - it was a delicious banana-choc fudge from Awfully Chocolate - and it was lots of fun. My sisters bought me the sari I am wearing in the pics as well as a very pretty bracelet. Here are the pics of the cake, the gift and of me and my sisters in all our glory :)

Back to Routine (for a while)

It’s been 4 days now since I came back from China but my bags are still sitting in the hall, unpacked. If I had a choice I would have scheduled a day after my return to just chill and catch up with the many small but time-consuming tasks such as stocking up the fridge, answering emails and sms-es and paying the numerous bills that were sitting in the letter box. Unfortunately I had a full day seminar to attend on the day after I returned as well as important official duties the next 2 days and I have gone home quite tired the past 3 days. The first night when I came back was fitful because I completely forgot my no-caffeine-after-2.00 pm rule on the flight back from Shanghai and ended up not being able to sleep till around 11.30pm and waking up at 4.30am. Sigh…

Anyway, it’s Friday today and I want to attend the last Prayer Meeting for the year at church tonight so it looks like the bags are not going to be unpacked tonight either! But I have scheduled a much needed massage session this evening and I am looking forward to that. The bags will have to wait till tomorrow!

I have also decided to set up a different blog to chronicle my China trip as I wanted to continue writing about other stuff here and doing a day by day description of my China trip would have meant not writing about other stuff until I had finished with my 12-day journey. Also this way, I can upload photos and write at my own leisure and it spares those of you who couldn’t care less about what I did in China. So if you are interested, I have updated Day 1 in China here (and no, that is not a typo in my blog title… hahaha).

I'M BAAAAACK!!!!

I'm back!!! Yay! Nuff said. I'm baaaaack!!!

Proverbs 16:1

“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans today.” I chanced across this quote today and it spoke deeply to me. How much we take for granted and how often we assume that we will actually do all the things we blithely plan to do. The tyranny of ‘the to-do list’.

But sometimes you are blind-sided by events that turn over the predictability of your daily life. An event is cancelled, it rains, words are spoken, you miss a bus, a sales person is brusque – and the day seems to be ruined. And then you learn that a sister in Christ has been diagnosed with breast cancer and you stop. And I am back at the question I thought I had stopped asking – why, God?

So what are you going to do today? What are your plans for the weekend? I don’t know. And does God speak? Yes. I found this blog. And I am reminded "To man belongs the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue." (Prov 16:1)

Quiz: What Kind of a Friend are You?

Haha.. found this quiz and feel so affirmed by it that I thought I should let you all know that this quiz thinks I am a good friend... :) I am a quiz junkie. In addition to being a spa junkie. And a chocolate junkie. I am doomed...

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen Or lend a shoulder to cry on You're there through thick and thin Many people consider you their "best friend"!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

2nd Anniversary of My Blog

I began this blog on 5 Oct 2005. Exactly 2 years later I was writing about how I have come to care less and less about what others think. It's Happy 2nd Anniversary to my blog!! Yay!! And to all my faithful readers (errr... how many of you are there? 3? 4?) thank you for stopping to read my rantings. It came as a bit of a surprise to me really that it has really been 2 years since I started to blog - and of course it is, because this blog was almost the first thing I started to do after Jen went to the US.

I think this blog has been a blessing to me. I have wanted to write for a long time but a novel or a short story seems a daunting project to embark on and I didn't feel senior enough to start on an autobiography. So this blog has been ideal - for random thoughts, for sharing bits of daily happenings, for reflection - without there being a need for "a beginning, a middle and an end". I wish more of you would leave comments though, as I see on the many blogs I surf. Some of these blogs have a real conversation going and I find that really interesting. Some times, the comments are emailed to me or said when we meet and in a way that is not the same. But it doesn't really matter. I wonder if this thought is just the longing of a writer for feedback from her readers? I know I have read stories of writers skulking around in libraries, cafes and bookshops trying to hear what people are saying about their books - so maybe this is just part of the same need to feel I am connecting with someone? :)

Blogging has opened a new world for me. I surf other blogs and find really interesting stuff out there - blogs on anything from proud mummies blogging about their newborns (honestly, I don't know how they find the time to photograph the baby, post the photo and write about what the baby did EVERYDAY!! This is a breed of supermums! When I had my babies all I wante d to do was sleep!) to blogs on travel, food (omg have you seen the photos of food people post? Droolsome!) to religious blogs to..... The mind boggles. While I enjoy surfing and reading other people's blogs, I don't like anonymous comments being left on my blog. I know I can easily block that but I do have friends who aren't very IT-savvy and I don't want to intimidate them if they should want to leave a comment. I must say though that so far I have been quite lucky that I didn't get strange ones asking me to go to some shady place or other - just one who recommended a spa in Batam and another who told me about a website with packing lists.. hahaha. [Oh drat. Now that I have mentioned Batam and spa I am going to attract all the weirdos in the world who google for this back at my blog again. Yuuuk!]

The other interesting thing about blogging is the way you get to meet people from the other side of the world. That's how I met Jon who chatted on my tag board and more recently someone from the US who has a blog on midlife crisis and chanced upon my blog and asked to link it to hers as well. Now those were the ok bits of blogging.

And of course, blogging is a wonderful way to just get things off your chest. Well not ALL things because I also keep a journal and that is where my really private thoughts go, but this blog has been a way for me to tell my family and friends what I've been doing. It's also a bit like a monologue and I get to talk uninterrupted... hahaha.

Anyway, happy 2nd anniversary my dear blog. You have helped me grow.

Sharing My List

I love lists - checklists, to do lists, travel packing list - I love them. And of course you could have guessed that from the lists on my blog :) So when the big 5-oh loomed on the horizon, I just needed a checklist - of things I should do, things I have dreamt of doing, things I wish I could do... the possibilities were vast.

I asked Jen to buy a book that sounded really promising, which I couldn't find in the stores here. It's called 'Fifty Things To Do When You Turn Fifty' [Ronnie Sellers (ed)] - trouble is I was 49 when Jen bought it for me & I still haven't finished reading it... haha.. Then I began surfing for more of those kind of lists and was amused to find that I am not the only one who makes lists. There were quite a number like this one and this..

Well I picked this list to check my own wishlist against and this is my report card so far:

Things To Do When / Before You are Fifty

1. Be Adventurous: Embark on a new experience. Travel to new destinations. YES! This is the reason I am going to China. It was one of the countries I had declared I will never go to but here I am going to China in 11 days' time. And it will be new experience because I will be travelling with my sisters on a tour that I planned from scratch!
   
2. Adopt Something - Hmmm...Still thinking about this one. I was going to adopt a child in Laos through World Vision but I haven't gotten far with the plan beyond making inquiries.
   
3. Reconnect with a Friend - Hey Siong! This is you! And She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named :) And Andrew Chua Seng Lay :)
   
4. Scare Yourself: Almost anything qualifies, but it doesn't mean you have to be a daredevil. Errr... does watching 'Ghost Whisperer' count?? I hate horror movies and that programme is as close as I am going to get to anything scary. Maybe one day I will bungee jump....
   
5. Realize a Dream: It's never too late to realize a dream. Visit a place that's called to you or start a new career. This is a tough one. The places that call to me are the Holy Land and Europe, but I don't see this happening in the near future. New career? Hmmm... I guess I did try a new career by going to MOE but I can hardly call it my dream job... Hahaha..
   
6. Learn Something New: YES! I have learnt to blog! I got onto Facebook! I bought a PDA! The world of technology is waiting to be discovered....
   
7. Change your Hair: Wait a minute. Let's not get carried away here.I called my friend at 11pm and cried when I first cut my hair short the way it is now, in 1995. Change my hair???
   
8. Keep Your Medical Tests Current: Boring but necessary, I admit. Mammo done, PAP done, maybe the cholesterol needs checking....
   
9. Discover Yourself: Get to know your family as people, not relatives, write a letter to your kids (or other family members) telling them the most important things you've learned. And then ask them to write one to you. This is my favourite. I have been trying really hard to have authentic conversations. But I have also learnt that it is easier said than done and that not every one is ready. So this blog is my way of telling my children, my family and my friends who Vara is. And if you would tell me who you are, I promise to listen.
   
10. Do A Good Deed: Perform a random act of kindness. Treat someone anonymously. Yes. Enough said.

I Don't Care Much

I read an article recently that resonated with me. Like the author, as I near fifty, I too find that I don’t care about many things. I feel a sense of recklessness, a sense of liberation and telling my inner voice to shut up is curiously satisfying. And this comes from this sense I have that I increasingly care very little about what people think of me!!!

And I realise that this feeling has kept many women paralysed for very long. From the time we are young girls, we are told to behave ourselves because “what would people think of you if they saw / heard….” Who are these people I now wonder? Who are these nameless faces who have been standing at the edges of my life condemning my moments of silliness, my social gaffes, my failures? And how is it that I never did hear their approval despite me having followed the rules? How is it that these “people” have not stopped other women from living dangerous lives?

The time has come I think, when I am going to reclaim myself from these “people”. The time has come for me to know myself fully and wholly. And to do the things I want to do, go to places I want to see, speak when I want to, be silent when I want to, attend functions that I wish to go to, be with the people I appreciate and who make me happy, eat food that I crave and to say, no thank you.

If at all I have learnt anything, I have learnt by now, what is important and what isn’t, what I should listen to and when I should laugh at myself and at others. Because, hey, those “people” who were supposed to be watching me and judging me and looking at what I wear and where I go and what I do? They truly don’t care!!!! :)

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us." - Emerson

To Party or Not to Party?

I have been in two minds over having a party for my 50th. A month ago I came really close to deciding I wasn't going to have a party after all. But now so many plans have been made, money paid for food and venue and all my sisters have either arrived or are on their way and some of the invites have gone out so I guess I just have to go through with it.

I have been trying to understand why I keep worrying about it. One part of me has wanted to celebrate my 50th from the time I was 48 - and of course that was when the sisters decided they would all come here in 07. But there is a part of me that feels more diffident. I feel rather shy and actually understand why D was feeling this way before his party too.

One reason I wanted to have a birthday party was because I wanted to put to rest this desire I have had for a long time - I cannot remember having a birthday party as a child. In fact the one birthday party I do remember was one that never happened. We were living in Kampong Tengku then and I had invited 1 friend from school and my cousin Jaya. My mum had made some bhajji but there was no cake and I remember feeling quite embarrassed that I would have no cake if my friend from school came. Well she didn't and Jaya was brought by her mum at 8.30pm, by which time I had given up hope that the birthday was going to be celebrated. That's one birthday I remember because of all the anticipation I had built up and then nothing happened. I guess it was because celebrating birthdays wasn't a thing in my family, then... I don't really remember.

The next birthday I remember was my 21st birthday. And that was a bizarre affair and I can only explain it to myself now as a severe case of terribly low esteem :) I ordered the cake (a really nice big one in the shape of a key) and I invited my friends from NIE and D and his friend. But on the morning of the birthday, I called everyone and cancelled it. There was just so much to do in terms of getting food, plates etc and I just couldn't handle it and I was struck by a severe case of self pity that I was doing all this for myself :) I can't remember what excuse I gave but I just couldn't carry on with the party. But D and his friend still came as they had already bought a present and thought that they would just come and give it to me even though there was no party. Come to think about it, that was quite sweet. So anyway, I cut the huge cake with 2 friends, my nephew and my niece and that was my 21st. And I was miserable after that too.

I have had other birthdays since then - all celebrated by my in-laws - and the usual way I celebrate it is to go out with my family. So if I were to psychoanalyse myself I wonder if my reluctance to have a party is still a case of low self esteem? I feel self conscious, as if I would be drawing attention to myself. And I wonder if people would come. And if people would have fun. And what would we do?

Then the other half of me that wants to have a party reminds me that what I want to celebrate is not myself but God in my life. Why I feel like celebrating is because as I look back at what I have come through and look forward to what lies ahead, I am overwhelmed and can't help but marvel at the grace I have seen in every phase of my life. And that is what I want to share with my family and friends. This half of me thinks, this is what God has done in my life and I deserve to celebrate it. This half thinks, 50 is half a century. Wow.

Back from my Retreats

Can’t believe it’s been almost 2 weeks since I updated. Well, more really - I guess I have been hiding by putting up pictures and other stuff.. haha.. Must say I have had an eventful 2 weeks though. Well, can’t really share all that has passed because much of it had to do with me and God. But suffice it to say that God has showed Himself again to be sufficient for me and I am grateful.

I have gone away for 2 weekend retreats so the past 2 weekends have been busy ones for me. On 22 / 23 Sept I went for Alpha Weekend at Hotel Sofitel. Alpha is a 10-week course that I am co-leading, run to give anyone who is interested, an insight into what Christianity is about. So I meet a group weekly on Wednesday nights and we talk about different aspects of Christianity like Who is Jesus..... The conversations have been interesting and the questions have made me think and leading these sessions have helped to crystallise my own thinking as well.

The Alpha Weekend comes at the end of Session 6 and is a chance for people to meet on a social level as well. I was quite reluctant to go for the Weekend at first but ended up being blessed. It was an interesting experience and gave me lots to think about. I enjoyed the time I spent with the 4 girls who came – Angel, Hui En, Ezen and Freya. They really looked out for me and didn’t seem to mind an old lady tagging along with them… hahaha.

I had the gang over to my place for dinner on Wednesday - invited the others from the Alpha group too and in all there were about 9 of them. We had a good time, just talking and eating. I love being with happy, young people.

I also went away for Cell Leaders retreat this weekend. It is the culmination of the Cell Leaders’ Training that I have been attending for the past 5 weeks. I had a wonderful time of refreshing at the Montfort Centre in Bukit Timah.I had been feeling quite drained and tired. I felt like many people wnated a piece of me and I didn't have energy left. So the opportunity to just rest and sleep and pray was really a time of refreshing for me. I know I have to make time for myself but sometimes I let events and needs set my agenda instead and the retreat was a good reminder that I must remember my human finiteness, that I was created as a human being not a human doing. That rest is part of God's plan for us.So yes, I have come away with a new resolve that I am going to block my Saturday mornings for time away by myself no matter what.

On Saturday evening, Maya and I went for a drink at this really nice place called Graze at Rochester. It had huge couches with pillows that you could lounge on. Pity I didn't take my camera along. I wonder if the place is open for breakfast though. It would be a nice place to retreat to for my Saturday mornings but I doubt it will be open.

And so begins another work week again ....

A Story to Share

A little girl and her father were crossing a narrow bridge. Afraid that the child might fall into the river, the father said, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."

"What's the difference?" asked the puzzled father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and happen to stumble, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go...."


In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

Thank God that we have a Father who will never let us go. Even when we stumble and let go of His hand, His grip is sure and He never lets us go.

My Love Languages

I have a new fascination for the 5 Love languages & if you haven't tried it yet, do go to the link below and take the quiz. It's fun and if, like me, you sometimes get frustrated with your husband or feel that no one cares about you, you might find that the answer is that the people around you have not been speaking your Love Language to you :)

You see, according to the author, Gary Chapman, each person has preferred love languages, that is, means by which he/she feels affirmed and loved. Chapman has identified 5 love languages – Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service and Giving Gifts. A person may have more than one love language.

Words of Affirmation = you feel loved when people tell you how much they appreciate you, compliment you or tell you you have done a good job. Words, words, words!!!

Quality Time = you feel appreciated when people make time to talk to you, have quality conversations not meaningless talk but about important & personal issues, when people do things with you like taking a long walk.

Physical Touch = you feel loved when people hug or kiss you, you like holding hands etc.

Giving Gifts = people buying stuff for you or making things for you make you feel loved. Some people like small gifts regularly, some people like big stuff but generally gifts make you feel appreciated.

So, I decided to find out my Love Language. Surfing the net, I found a number of quizzes that help you find out what your love language is and I found it pretty accurate for me. Yeah, so here is my profile below :)


When you do the quiz your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. The primary love language is the one that indicates what makes you feel loved the most. If two scores are identical, you are supposed to be ‘bilingual’, that is, two primary love languages are important to you. If the scores of the primary and secondary language are close (for example, 10 & 9), it also indicates both are important to you. Whatever a loved one does to express love in either of these languages will get emotional points with you. The highest possible score for any language is 12.

So Words of Affirmation and Quality Time are of equal importance to me and Physical Touch comes in quite close as well. But receiving gifts isn’t a very high priority for me. All you people out there trying to crack your heads trying to think of what to buy for me for my birthday can heave a sigh of relief. No, I won't cry :)

I found that having a clear picture of my primary & secondary love languages explains a lot of things. Chapman encourages us to think back over the past and ask "What have I most often requested from others?" In my case, I also asked myself what did I wish others had said or done. And I found that the answer lay within the scope of my primary & secondary love languages. I had been looking for love in all the wrong places! Hahahaha..

My results make sense to me because when people ask me what I would like for my birthday or what would they like me to buy when they go overseas, I never have anything to ask. If I like something I would rather go buy it myself and when others spend money on me I feel bad. But I love receiving cards and I have stacks of Teachers Day cards in boxes.

Hey if you are bored (or interested) go try the quiz. Details below. And you can borrow the book from me!

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Languages are probably Quality Time and Words of Affirmation

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	9
Words of Affirmation:	9
Physical Touch:	8
Acts of Service:	3
Receiving Gifts:	1

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Seasons of Life

As I look back, I understand better what the phrase “seasons of life” means. At each stage of our lives, the experiences we have, the issues we struggle with and the successes we crave are different. At each stage we wonder, is this all there is and we look forward to another stage when we imagine we will be free of the worries and anxieties that plague us. And they do go away, only to be replaced by other things we fret over.

Thus, the Psalmist’s description of the tree planted by streams as one “which yields its fruit in season” is really a powerful metaphor. The fruits of our lives are all different in different seasons, and we will be foolish to try and force a fruit that is not of the season. So there was a season of my life when the fruits God was looking to me to yield were faithfulness in raising my family and commitment to the job He had given me. So at those stages of my life, my mission field was the home and my school. I was not called to do anything else then.

Now, I feel I am being called to do other things. I have a new desire to share God’s word, to do God’s work. I don’t feel equipped but I know that is my own sense of inadequacy and that God is nudging me towards doors He has opened for me. Right now, I am attending Cell Leaders’ Training and leading an ALPHA discussion group. And every Wednesday I continue to be amazed at how God guides me in what to say to the seekers who come to Alpha. I am really looking forward to the Cell Leaders Retreat on 22nd Sept as well.

The Cell Leaders Training has been interesting and even though I thought I knew all there was to know about myself, I discovered something else and that was my Love Language. I have known about the 5 Love Languages for a while but never really spent time thinking about it as I thought that it was for couples. But during our first training session, we were asked to spend time trying to understand the Love Language of our cell members as that would show us the best way to show our care towards them. I thought about it and went online that night to find out more.

I found a quiz which I could use to find out my own Love Language and completed it. I’ve put that site on my blog so do go and try it if you are interested. I must say that understanding my Love Language has helped me to understand many things about myself – why I am touched more by a letter or card than an expensive present, why I save smses, why the lyrics of some hymns move me, why I worship best with songs. It kind of makes a lot of sense to me. You must have guessed what my Love Language is by now…. hahaha…

So, I learnt something new. And I have a sense of quiet anticipation for this season of my life.

Update

I've been busy with a lot of activities these past two weeks. Finding time to blog has become a luxury. But I have had a good lazy Sunday today. The day began badly because I dragged myself out of bed at 5.45am to go for the Shape run with my friend Dorothy, got ready to leave at 6.20am and discovered I had no shoes because I had left them in the office. It was frustrating. I tried another pair of shoes and left but by thetime I reached the bus-stop I knew I couldn't do 5km in those shoes so came back. Sigh... waste of a nice potential Sunday lie-in :)

But things got better - had a leisurely breakfast & read the newspapers; went to church, cooked lunch and had a loooong nap in the afternoon. Bliss! :)

I've been busy planning the China trip. It's getting really close. The deposit has been paid and am waiting for the NATAS fair to see if I can get a good deal on the airfare. After drawing up very ambitious itineraries, I have come to settle for a more sane itinerary that will mean we see mostly touristy sights and not the 'nice-to-see's. So we are flying to Beijing on 18 Oct to see the Graet Wall. Tianemen Square, Forbidden City etc; then to X'ian to see the Terracotta Warriors; then a luxury cruise down the Yangtze; and then Shanghai and back home on 29 Oct.

I've been warned over and over by my friends who know how fussy I am, that I'm going to hate the food. And Rita just came back from Hong Kong saying she hated the food, so I'm kind of wary about that. Chinese cuisine has never been my favourite so I'm quite worried. But I have decided that I'm going to take things as they come and trust God to work all things out.

I'm going to go over to Maya's place now where my birthday bash planning committee is meeting :) More on that later!

Good to Remember....

From an email sent by Mala. Thanks for sharing :)

How to Stay Young

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches ;)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with you your entire life, is yourself. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

[Taken from an email that my Director sent to us to wish us all Happy Teachers' Day! And to all my teacher friends - Happy Teachers Day too! Hope you had a good time in school and felt loved and cherished!]

Happy 21st Birthday My Darling Daughter!

Today my first born is 21. This is it, baby. You are legally an adult! Time to cut the apron strings & turn you over to the world :) I just want you to know that you have brought me much joy and I am very proud of you. We have survived sibling rivalry, a fractured wrist, turbulent adolescent years, stressful exam periods and hey, we are still friends :) I love you and I thank God for the wonderful ways in which you continue to be a blessing to me, your sister & your father. And my prayer for you is that you will always walk with the Lord and experience His love every day of your life in many wonderful ways. God bless you and Happy Birthday!!!!

Turning 50

I’ve been surfing a lot recently, looking for articles and reflections of others who have turned 50. I am surprised to find myself doing this, wondering – why does this year seem so momentous for me compared to all the other birthdays I have had?

And I found the answer in one of the articles I read. At 50, you realise half your life is over. As the writer of this article put it, it makes you think: what has my life been like so far? What have I achieved? Has my life turned out the way I dreamt it would? Have I achieved all I set out to? And what about the years ahead? What legacy will I leave? How will I be remembered?

I am comforted to know that these questions occupy others as well. My feelings are not unique. Admittedly, most of the articles / books I have read have been written by Americans, but the thoughts and feelings of these women (and men) are remarkably close to mine. And I have been learning a lot about how to value my past and to anticipate the future.

So I have decided to write about these thoughts of mine and sorry, but I’m afraid that’s going to be the bulk of my blog postings from now on.I know 50 is too far away for you, my dears, but this is one stage I want to linger on & share. This is something I want to do and I hope that you will participate and leave me some comments along the way, or write on my tag board.

Well, the world is not going to see my 50th birthday like Oprah's and definitely no big party like Elton John's 60th with Bill Clinton on the guest list, but party I will :)

Today is Neena's Birthday!

Happy Birthday Neen!! I thought you needed to be celebrated on my blog & Jennani thinks you are one of my 'cool' friends because of your Hari Potter t-shirt. Have a wonderful wonderful day. You are one of my best :)

Another Birthday Party

Jennani celebrated her 21st birthday again on 10 Aug with her friends. By all accounts, the young people had a good time. I am assuming Jen will be giving the details in her blog so not too many details here…

Maya booked the Karaoke room at her condo for the party & we catered food from Jaggi’s. I was exhausted organizing it on the day itself as all those I had assumed would be around to help had something or other come up. So yes, it was tiring. But it made me happy to see everyone enjoying themselves and Jen looked so happy that it was worth it. A lot of the success was due to Maya’s great idea to have a “Murder Mystery’ game during the party & I must say it was lovely to see all the guests playing along and coming dressed according to their character. For the uninitiated (that included me right until the night of the party), the game can be bought online and comes with clues, character profiles, clues etc and the objective is to get everyone to mix as they try to solve the mystery, identify the killer and his/her motive. The one we selected was called – “Death By Chocolate’!!! Hahaha. What else would WE choose??? :)

I ordered a chocolate cheesecake from 7th Manna (again) and it was mmmmm. Big mistake to have taken it out of the fridge too early so it was kind of soft in the middle, but nevertheless delicious. Highly recommended! We ate the slices that I had kept aside for Maya the next day and the cake was gooood. Oh and we had a chocolate fondue – to go with the theme, of course. Again, a bit of a mistake not to have read the manual before the party because it turned out there must be quite a lot of melted chocolate in the basin for the fondue to function effectively. Plus the power points were placed in a really awkward position in the room so we couldn’t put the fondue on the center of the table. Nevertheless it was fun.

So... my eldest baby is 21 now. Can't really put my finger on how that makes me feel. Sometimes, I find it hard to believe, sometimes I feel I can worry less because the worrying adolescent years are over & sometimes I just feel nostalgic! I guess the emotions will sort themselves out :)

Birthday Celebrations!

We had a double birthday celebration in our family last Saturday. It was Durai’s 50th birthday on 4 Aug and we decided to celebrate Jennani’s 21st on the same day as she would have gone back to the States by the time of her birthday. In fact it was also my sister Menaka's birthday and for the first time both she and Durai were together on their birthdays! So in a way it was a triple birthday celebration.

We had dinner at Khansama Tandoori Village at Science Park 1 and it was a family affair. Some of our relatives came gamely dressed in the red and black as requested in keeping with the Kollywood theme.

The thought came to me that after our wedding, this was the first time both my family and Durai’s family had been at the same function! I guess the next time would be my birthday party in November...

Somehow everyone was really tired that day and we didn’t have the energy to play the games I had prepared. I wish I had had my afternoon nap instead of sitting there and preparing the games. Sigh… Anyway, the important things are that the food was good, Durai & Jennani enjoyed themselves, everyone made an effort to come. It was hard finding a balance of vegetarian and non-vegetarian food dishes within the restrictions of the restaurant’s buffet menu but I think everyone would have found something to eat.

The restaurant was pretty accommodating and let us play our own VCDs so we managed to have Kamal & Rajni videos running instead of Hindi songs. My only sore point with the restaurant was that they refused to let us pack the remaining food to take home. This really didn’t make sense to me as we had after all paid for the food! It is the only restaurant I know that has a ridiculous policy like that. But my sister-in-law Sitha and I conspired to beat the system and managed to smuggle some naans and tandoori chicken out. She was better than me – she even smuggled briyani and curry out! Ha ha..

I ordered 2 cakes from an online cake store called ‘7th Manna’. The cakes were really delicious. Almost everyone tried both cakes and the mango especially was delicious.

But the better memory I have is the faith and trust that the owner, Paul, showed. The term of order was Cash on Delivery. But when they delivered the cake I wasn’t back from Serangoon Road, trying to get a suit for Durai. But Paul was unbelievable – he said I could transfer the amount into his account anytime and just left the cakes with Maya’s maid. I am still amazed at the trust with which he did that. But then the company’s mission statement says it all – it is a company built on Faith; and that’s exactly what he did. Left the cakes on faith that I will pay. Faith that God looks after His own. I will definitely be buying from 7th Manna again!

Here are pics of the rest of the family...

Well, I feel as though I have passed a milestone on this year’s calendar – Durai is 50 and it’s my turn next. This week will be taken up preparing for Jennani’s party with her friends. We are really looking forward to it. We bought a Murder Mystery online and all the guests have been given clues. The theme is Death by Chocolate and the game takes 2 hours to play with clues being given at different intervals. It was Maya’s idea as she had organised one before. Once the next party is over, my dears, we need to start preparing for mine!!! Yay!

A Song I Love

I love this old hymn. It is one of my favourites and it comforts me every time.

"Before the throne of God above,

I have a strong and perfect plea.

A great high Priest whose Name is Love

Who ever lives and pleads for me."

This verse reminds me of God's promise. That when I die I will go to heaven and I will be able to stand before His throne. Not because I have been a good person and not because of any merit I have earned but because I have Jesus as my great high priest who will stand in front of God with me and plead to God to accept me despite all my faults and all my sins and all my weaknesses. Why? Because He loves me. His name is love.

How much does Jesus love me?

"My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart."

That's how much Jesus loves me. He has my name carved into His hands. The name 'Vara' is written in His heart. And as long as He stands there beside me in Heaven, no one can ask me to leave or say I have no place there.

"When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end of all my sin."

Many times I am overwhelmed by my guilt. Many times I think I am unworthy. But that is just the deception of Satan and what Jesus calls me to do is to look at Him, not at myself. He died on the cross to pay for my sins. He took all my blame and if I continue to feel guilty, it is a false guilt.

"Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free.

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me."

God is holy and He cannot accept me as I am with all the taint of my sins. But because Jesus who is without sin died in my place, holy God is satisfied and pardons me. My amazing amazing God who sent His son Jesus to die on the cross to save me.

"Behold Him there the risen Lamb,

My perfect spotless righteousness,

The great unchangeable I AM,

The King of glory and of grace."

And after dying on the cross, Jesus who was the sacrificial lamb who paid for my sins rose from the dead.On my own I have no righteousness. I can try to be perfect but no human being can live a spotless life. Every day I sin - when I am impatient, when I am unkind, when I am envious. But I am able to stand in the presence of God with all my sins and weaknesses because God in His grace accepts the sacrifice of Jesus for me.

"One in Himself I cannot die.

My soul is purchased by His blood,

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ my Savior and my God!"

And just as Jesus died and rose again, I will rise with Him. My body will die one day but my soul never will for I will have eternal life with Christ.With His death on the cross Jesus has redeemed my soul from punishment and guaranteed that I will be in Heaven. Jesus will wipe out all my sin. Jesus Christ, my Saviour and my God. I need nothing because I have Christ in my life.

Weekend @ Batam

I went away for the weekend to Batam with my sisters-in-law and we had a good time. Harris Resort Hotel was pretty decent – the rooms were spacious and clean (though the shower curtain in my room had a strange smell). We didn’t use many of the hotel facilities, though, as most of the time was spent shopping in Nagoya Hill Plaza which is apparently Batam’s newest mall. A funny thing was that on the first day the hotel shuttle bus dropped us at the back entrance of the mall and we spent hours there thinking that was all there was to the mall only to discover the next morning that it was actually a huge mall and we had only seen one section of it!

Our package included an hour’s massage at the hotel spa and I must say that I did not enjoy it as much as I had hoped I would. The spa was quite run-down although the ambience was nice. At first I was excited to be ushered into a rooftop hut for the massage but was almost immediately appalled to see a cigarette burn hole in the towel covering the bed. The staff changed the towel immediately when I asked but when I lay down, I discovered that the towel they had changed was damp :( But the masseuse didn’t understand when I said it was damp and kept insisting that the towel was alright. The experience was also marred by the fact that the masseuse wasn’t very experienced and had a cold! I was quite distracted by her constant sniffling and she excused herself twice to go outside and cough. I kept hoping I wasn’t going to catch a cold from her! This was the first massage session when I did not fall asleep, so you can guess the quality of the experience….

The best part of the weekend for me was Sunday morning which we spent at a salon in Nagoya Hill Plaza. Five of us occupied the upstairs of the salon and all had our nails done at the same time. Three of us also had our legs waxed and it was great fun to be just sitting there and chatting while the girls did our nails. My sisters-in-law and I have never done this kind of thing together before. Usually we go out for a meal, but somehow this seemed like a more fun activity for me than eating together. It’s a pity manicures are so expensive in Singapore or else I would suggest doing this more often. We talked about coming out to Batam again just on a day trip, but I didn’t really like the quality of the work done on my nails to come here on a regular basis. The Batam girls were no match for my monthly routine at Serenity Cove and my massage at Spa Esprit. I know it costs me 4 times more in Singapore but it is a luxury treat I give myself and going all the way to Batam for a less satisfactory experience doesn’t appeal to me. I guess I will go just for the company and for the chance to sit and talk with my sisters-in-law, but not for my regular de-stress session. That has to be my fave places in Holland Village still.

All in, it was a fun experience and I am really glad we had this break together. I wish we had done less shopping and more talking or playing games. I still feel that although we are all family and have known each other for more than 20 years, there is still a level of closeness missing that I feel with my friends. Only 3 of us are more open in talking to each other and I wish there had been an opportunity in this trip for all of us to have gotten to know each other better. Or maybe I was expecting too much too soon?

Quotes to Prepare Me for Old Age... Haha :)

"To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent; that is to triumph over old age."
-Thomas B. Aldrich


"Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age."
- French proverb

I Missed My Blog...

I have missed updating my blog. This realisation came as a shock to me, because that’s the kind of thing I would have expected my daughters to say – that Net savvy generation :) Then I realised I also checked my email frequently and surf online for all kinds of stuff and on days when I leave my handphone behind at home I feel like I have lost part of myself. Oh No! I am morphing into a netizen!

That realisation apart, I’m thankful I haven’t reached the stage of a parent I just heard about during lunch. Apparently this mum (a friend’s friend) chats on the MSN with her daughter who is in the next room. She says that it is a great communication channel because her daughter tells her more things and is a lot more open on MSN. Yikes! The thought terrifies me. It’s like a scene out of a science fiction movie. But somehow what once seemed like a highly unlikely thing to happen, seems now to be a rather commonplace event. I found it strange the first time Jen and I chatted when we were both in office (Shh!) but now I don’t think about it at all. And then I get a little perturbed when I learn about strange occurrences in my children’s lives through their blogs but then am quickly thankful that I did get to hear about it at all! We live such rushed lives that I can’t remember the last time we were all at home in the evening. So I guess keeping in touch through blogs, chats and email beats not knowing what’s going on at all!

Talking about keeping in touch, I am going to Batam with my sisters-in-law tomorrow. It’s going to be a 7-woman gang descending on the unsuspecting island and we are going to be staying at the Harris Resort Hotel. I am praying the hotel is nice because I organised the booking of it. We are also booked for a 1 hour massage session, so it should be gooood…. I am not keen on shopping so am more likely to be looking for a mani-pedi place than anything else. More when I come back!

Book-crossing

Book-crossing has come to Singapore! Yay! I first knew about bookcrossing when I was visiting Australia and chanced across a book that had been left on a train. I didn’t take it away then as I was too scared. The whole concept was alien to me because I am a book-hoarder. When I want to read a book I usually buy it and when I have finished it, it sits on my bookshelf as testimony that it has been read. But the motto of bookcrossing is “Books need to be freed!” And as space becomes a premium in my small flat and my bookshelves become laden with books, I have begun to think that perhaps it is better that I ‘freed’ more books to be read by others.

So what is bookcrossing? It essentially involves people ‘releasing’ books, that is, leaving books that they have read, in public places where others can find them. When you ‘catch’ a book you go online to http://www.bookcrossing.com/ and register as having found the book. The person who has released the book would have also journalled about the book and you can add your comments and talk to others who have read the book on online forums. So it can be really fun, because you never know what book you will find, where or when. So when a book ‘crosses’ you, you can choose to read it, review it and then release it again or if you aren’t attracted to the book, you can just leave it where it is for someone else to pick up.

So now, bookcrossing has come to Singapore. According to the media hype, we are the first place where bookcrossing has been implemented in a whole country. Ha ha – of course we would be. We are so small! Though I am excited that bookcrossing has come to Singapore, I am really disappointed that a lot of the fun and excitement of catching a book is lost because it has been implemented in such an officious way.

Unlike other countries, in Singapore you can only find books at designated hotspots at Cafe Cartel, Cafe Galilee & SMRT taxis. This just ruins the spirit of book crossing. The great thing about bookcrossing is not knowing when or where you will find a book or even what book you will find. It is the serendipity of the thing that is exciting! If I have to go to designated hotspots to find a book I might as well go to a library. It's the same experience & I will have a wider choice!

I find it really strange that the CEO of NLB said in the ST interview that he hopes that bookcrossing might get people who don't come to the library to pick up a book and read it. If NLB really believed that, then they shouldn't be institutionalising the adventure of bookcrossing. Worse, instead of allowing bookcrossers to leave the book any place they choose, those who want to free their books have to do it at the customer service centres of libraries. This means of course, that a person who wants to share his book has to go all the way to a library and drop it off. This is ridiculous & I predict this is going to be the main reason for a slow demise of bookcrossing in Singapore because people are just not going to make the special trip to the library just to release a book.

Bookcrossing means leaving a book in places where people linger & where other people will pick it up - on a park bench, on a cafe table, on a bus, at a clinic. Why should I take my book, go to my nearest library, probably queue to get to the customer service person, then go online and register the release? Where is the fun in that?

This is just so typical of our society. Fear of litter, fear of 'unsavoury' books getting circulated, fear of losing control. Excited about stuff happening in other countries, desperate to bring it to Singapore but so very afraid to let things happen naturally. It is as if someone was sent to see how other cities get their buzz, they find a quirky phenomenon and then they think that just by bringing that isolated act into Singapore they would somehow re-create the same experience without understanding that it is about something more than that. There are thousands of books being crossed all over the world without librarians being appointed to monitor it, there are people going online and writing about books and freeing them just because they want to share their love of books. Why must we regulate bookcrossing so closely? It's sad.

I Am Blessed

Wow I can’t believe a week has gone past since I last updated. It was a hectic week and an even more hectic weekend that actually makes coming to the office feel like a rest-stop ;) Phew! Many things happened.

I ran a workshop on pedagogy on Friday that took some time to prepare for. The workshop went well I thought, and I was really happy when Pat, one of my Heads, told me this morning that she felt I had a calming effect on people and that I had a knack for bringing things into perspective. I feel really affirmed and I’m glad she bothered to tell me that.

On Wednesday I met Neena for dinner at The Vila’ge at Heeren. It was a nice quiet evening of catching up. A complete contrast to the raucous evening I had had at Esmirada :) But then that is the really nice thing about my friends – that they are all so different and when we meet we talk about really different things. But when I want to have deep, soul-searching conversations then it has to be with Wai Yin and Neena because they listen so well and give me space to be myself and I never feel judged no matter how much I mess up. So Neena and I talked about family, our own needs, and what’s nice is that we meet each other only about once a year and we just pick up where we left off.

Well, right up to Thursday I only had ‘pick up Maya’ pencilled in my diary for Saturday. but suddenly there was an exponential increase of activities for Saturday. On Thursday, Siong messages me and says can we meet for lunch / tea / dinner before Neena leaves and then I ask Neena and miraculously Sunil says ok when she asks and there it was – a dinner date on Saturday between Siong, Neena and me. Then wonder of wonders on Friday, I was going down the escalator at Great World after lunch when I saw She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named going up the escalator on the other side! So of course I had to scream at her (for which I got scolded) and that ended with our Saturday dinner becoming a foursome because how could she not meet up with us? We hung out at NUS together for goodness sake!

So Saturday was a day of great excitement as Maya finally arrived - after months of praying and deliberating and planning! And then I met my buddies from my NUS days for dinner at the Hotel Phoenix Coffee House in the evening. I took photos but She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named threatened to decapitate me if I put the photo on the blog and I am not allowed to mention her name under pain of similar death threats so details shall remain murky. Suffice it to say we had a good time, even though She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had to rush off as she had another appointment. We have made vague promises about keeping in touch & I really hope we do, because I have many fond memories of our days in NUS. We were a gang – Neena, Siong, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named , Kenneth & me. And I’m glad our paths have crossed again.

But scheduling was a big madness on Saturday as I also wanted to visit a friend at church whose mother had passed away and then my sister-in-law’s mother-in-law was hospitalised and I wanted to look in on her as well. So there I was on Saturday – up in the morning, cook lunch, take cab to wake, come back from wake & get a ride to the airport from Vijay to pick up Maya, then shower and go to SGH to visit the mother-in-law, then off to dinner with the NUS gang. Sunday was a blur of cooking in the morning, church, then lunch + washing up, then collapse for a much needed nap, then of course the usual Sunday afternoon ritual of tea for Durai. I’m just glad we decided to eat out for dinner. We also borrowed a DVD and watched ‘Music & Lyrics” after dinner. It was actually funnier than I had thought it would be – in fact I couldn’t get “POP! Goes my heart” out of my head :)

So here I am at the beginning of another work week. And as I was thinking over all that had happened these past few weeks, I just feel really blessed that I have met so many of my friends this year. I think this year, more than in previous years, somehow, I have managed to see a number of people who have mattered in my life.

But most of all, I am really happy today because an old friend and I set right a friendship that had gotten strained for all the wrong reasons. I have had this friend on my heart the whole weekend and today we agreed to 'take a mulligan'. The incident never happened; all is forgiven; we start over on a new page. God is good.

Dinner @ Esmirada (my new fave restaurant)

Went out for dinner with friends from JI last night. I suggested Esmirada at Orchard Hotel because we had had such a good time the last time the office gang had dinner there. The food was as good as I remembered and the service as great. Mini, Mani & Rita confessed later that they had been worried about eating Greek food and were actually surveying the area for alternatives. Bad girls. But it was a fun evening - with much loud laughter as usual & choice lines delivered by Shamala. Such as when she declared "M trusts her husband with the maid more than with the children" when she meant to say "M trusts her husband with the children only when the maid is there too". Hilarious! And yes, Sham, I know you are reading this :)

We had nice waiters too. The one who waited on our table the last time seemed to studiously avoid our table - we think it was because R terrorised him by making him explain exactly how the DBS 1-for-1 deal works. Or maybe he was embarrassed remembering the last time he tried to help me get the grilled vegetables off the skewer and ended up with the veges all over the table :) Better him than me! - at least we got another free veg kebab. But the waiter we had last night was really nice. He came to tell us that he could hear us laughing even in the kitchen. Might be true because when I went to the loo, I could hear the others too. Oops. Hope they don't ban me from there - keep bringing rowdy friends who ruin the ambience. Rita helped to ensure I will be blacklisted by telling our waiter to remember my face. Thanks.

And oh this time we had great fun because the waiters smashed plates! It was great fun! At about 9pm they turned the music up and then brought out a stack of plates, asked all the customers to clap along while they smashed the plates. Then they gave out plates to the diners as well for us to smash. It was really funny to see how we all reacted. Rita refused to smash it and gave it to me. I threw one but the waiter said it was a bad job because it just broke in half & didn't smash into bits. Sham just said what a waste of money it was. :)

Anyway, I am glad we met up. It is getting more and more difficult to make time to do this, but I am glad we do. I would like to meet more often - not necessarily for dinner, even just a coffee - just to keep in touch at more regular intervals. But it is tiring organising these outings. Imagine we fixed this date a month ago - that's how complicated our schedules are. Then I keep wondering if it is inconvenient for the others & I must remember that 3 of the others have small kids at home. Maybe I should start a child-minding service that will ensure that children are kept engaged & looked after while their mums go out for dinner and have a life.

This one is for you Sham - and remember what I taught you abt leaving a comment :)