Time and Tide

Somehow I have a feeling that the usual rhythms of the year are going to be interrupted for me in 2011. In 17 days, R will be going back, and for the first time, I actually bought her a one-way ticket because she isn't sure when she would be able to come home next. That in itself feels strange for I realize her June semester break and Nov summer break had become markers for me. With C in Nicaragua and not sure of his break times, J's leave periods are up in the air too at the moment. Add to that the fact that I don't really have a handle on the work ebb and flow at my new work place, and the year seems a fluid one.

I am also thinking about what I can look forward to this year. So far, the big milestones seem to be work related - a workshop presentation at a conference in May and the official launch of ELIS in Sept. I also have a commitment to help with the writing of my church's 40th anniversary commemorative book and to be trained to help as a Facilitator with my church's Pastoral Counselling Ministry. Otherwise - a blank year! 

The big project that I should embark on, but have a panic attack every time I think about it, is renovation of my house. I've found interior designers I can work with, I have approved of their preliminary plans. But I fight shy of putting down the 10% deposit needed. That seems so final! And I baulk at the thought of getting packers and movers in, of finding financing, of finding temporary accommodation, of supervising the renovation process, then the process of moving back in, unpacking. Whoa! I feel the familiar heart palpitations even writing about it :)

As I think about the coming year, I remember feeling 2010 was a blank canvas too. But looking back, I see that because of that blank calendar, I had space to handle the storms and sadness that came my way last year. And I wonder if the blank calendar was God's gracious provision for me... Perhaps, my loving Abba knew I needed head space, needed the familiarity of routine work, needed the cover given by comforting office colleagues and time to meet with friends and grieve... 

And now, 2011 is a new chapter. And I am comfortable with the blankness. If there are blank spaces, I know God intended them for a reason. If there is a rush of work, I know it is a period of fruitfulness that God has blessed me with. The phrase God has given me for this year is "Hold lightly and release with love". I am not even going to pretend to know what that means. But I know I can trust my God.

Back at Blogging

Helloooo blog!! I have missed you! I don't think I have gone so long without writing before! I've been waiting for Friday evening the whole week, waiting for this pocket of time when I can once again write. Life has been mad for me since December and so far, this year has been a bleah.

So, let's see what has happened since I last blogged. R came home for the summer holidays. - and in 2 weeks she would once again be off. C was in town for 2 weeks for a visit and we went to Bintan. We stayed in the bungalow we usually rent; I like it because it allows all of us to be together, cook what we want to and I make believe that it is my seaside holiday home :) I realised the Israel trip had exhausted me and the most strenuous thing I wanted to do was to get a massage. I think it was a good short break and with each visit C seems more relaxed and fits in with the rhythm (or lack of it) of our home. I'm glad.

Christmas was awkward with the changes in the family dynamics and so was New Year. But I really appreciated the girls, Prav and Srawan making sure that we celebrated :) 

So 2010 with all its ups and downs is over and looking back I realise that the 2 phrases God had given me for the year held special meaning - "Build authentic relationships" and "Simplify your life and enrich others'." The year has indeed been one where my relationship with God has become more honest and toxic relationships have been cleared out. I have not been successful in making my life simpler  though :) Unfortunately, I have developed a new penchant for Kate Spade bags... I blame the girls at work for this totally!!! :)

This year, I have also started a new job. I am now a Master Teacher and that exalted-sounding name means that I will be doing teacher training instead of the research and policy work that I have been doing for the past 7 years. Unfortunately, I'm not particularly enjoying my new job as yet. The happiest time for me these 3 weeks was the one afternoon when I ran a workshop for Econs teachers of a JC! I struggle to manage my mood every day and I know what exactly is wrong but I don't quite know what to do about it. Up till now, the work I have been doing isn't different from what I was doing in my last place and I am disappointed because I was looking forward to teaching again. But I know this is temporary and that once the courses have been developed I will be able to teach. I wish I had more structure, clear timelines, time to read and plan instead of the numerous "by tomorrow" and "by the end of the week" deadlines which make me dissatisfied because I don't feel I have given off my best. 

This month,too, R turned 21 and we had a small do for her friends. It was quite fun actually, as she had arranged for a Bollywood dance class for her friends before we adjourned for dinner to an Arabian restaurant. 

Birthday dinner at chili's...

Dinner at Nabin's

 We also went on a short family holiday to Phuket which was marred a little by  first R being sick, then J; a stinky air-conditioner in our hotel room and weather that was so hot that we could feel our skin burning just walking down the road to the beach! Needless to say we spent around 5 minutes on Phuket's famed beach :) Nevertheless, I was glad to be able to spend some time with my daughters so the holiday wasn't as bad as it seems...

The other exciting thing that happened is that my dear friend Mini gave birth to a son. Mothering again at 42 is going to be a challenge but all of us are excited about it. He feels like a joint project :) 

 

Well I suppose a lot more things happened, though nothing else comes to mind now. I guess this has just been an update of sorts, not really blogging my thoughts. But it has been a long week, and right now, my mind just feels mundane :)