My Desert Song

I first heard the phrase "a desert experience" from an old gentleman in 1997 who came to my school to ask if I had a temporary teaching position available for him.  He was past 60 and I was reluctant to hire him as I wasn't convinced he could handle the students we had. It was the beginning of the year when we traditionally had large numbers of Pre-U 1 students who had no intention of staying once the 'O' level results were announced. And because they had no intention of staying in the school, they broke every rule they could. 

But I was desperately short-handed and I agreed to hire him, thinking I would keep him till another more suitable temp teacher came along. But in two weeks I realised it was a disaster. The students in his class were having a ball of a time. They would walk in and out as the mood took them and they took advantage of his penchant for story telling by taking every chance they could to distract him from the lesson planned  for  the day. I knew I had to let him go, but I felt really bad because I could see that he was trying hard and that the job meant a great deal to him.

When I told him we could no longer emply him, he said nothing for a while. Then he asked me, "Are you a Christian?" I braced myself for some sort of appeal to common religious bonds, but that was not on his mind. He said, "God gives every child of His a desert experience. The Israelites wandered in the wilderness for 40 years and that strengthened them as a nation and they learnt to look only to God. I have had many desert periods. Now is one of them. I thank God for it. It is a privilege." That was all.

I have not met him again since then. His name was Mr Thomas John. And I have come to believe that our paths crossed that once because of that one message God wanted to give me. I had come out of a desert experience in 1993 - 94 and it was a time when I was struggling with many 'why's. Hearing his simple acceptance of the desert experience without question taught me a lesson in faith and trust.

Today, those words came back to me in a new way. It is a day when I feel dry, alone and un-needed. The re is a new loneliness these days that I find hard to shake off.  I remember the miles after miles of brown, sandy dunes I saw in Israel and I find it hard to think of how people walking there day after day could give thanks. But that is what God calls me to do. To rejoice, to give thanks, to declare victory. Especially when I can't see the promise of an end.

I love this song!

Updated Blog

Hmmm. I have waited a while to let the bugs settle but I have now updated the editor on my blog. One big difference is that now I have transliteration in Tamil :) I haven't figured out how that works yet but that sure adds to the fun of blogging :) The other big difference I appreciate is that it is supposed to be easier to upload multiple photos now and the line spacing is more even as well.But if you see my blog acting crazy in any way, let me know ok?

It Takes a Village

I read today about a book called The Council of Dads by Bruce Feiler. It is about a young dad who is diagnosed with cancer and decides to rope in 6 of his friends to be 'dads' to his daughters in his absence. The concept touched me.

I have often felt parenting is a tough job and especially hard to do alone. Yet, it is very difficult to find like-minded people who share your values, philosophy and faith whom you can trust to help you with this important job. It also takes a special breed of friends who would agree to look out for your children as well as their own. This is especially so in Singapore where many parents struggle to make time for their own children and balance the demands of career and family.

Yet, I am convinced of the wisdom of having a council of dads or a council of mums. There is an African proverb that says 'It takes a village to raise a child' and I tend to agree. Parenting is often a case of trial and error. You have never done this job before, you try to equip yourself for it by reading, talking to friends etc, but there will always be moments when you catch your breath and wonder - did I do that right? I would have liked to have had a village at these times.

I thought about the concept of a council of dads / mums for a while. But I came to the conclusion that Feiler was really very, very blessed to have 6 friends who readily accepted the responsibility he offered them and stepped up. I can only think of one - and a very, very busy one at that! It speaks first of all of the depth of his friendships. These are friendships cultivated over a long time and at a meaningful level. There must have been time and love invested in building up such friendships and I wonder whether in busy Singapore, there are men and women who value this and are able to do this. It also requires giving of oneself (on the part of the friends) and asking for help (on the part of Feiler) - both gestures of humility that I think are possible for many of us here only when the imminence of death is real.

Many times I have offered to baby-sit for young couples but I don't quite know what it is - an innate shyness, a fear of obligation, maybe a reluctance to accept a favour? - but no one has actually taken me up on the offer :) Maybe they just don't trust me :) With my family, I have tried to be involved in the lives of my nieces and nephews, and their children, but to varying degrees of success. Mostly my young grand-nephews and nieces live too far away for us to connect meaningfully. It is sad, but I also realise that only 1 of my sisters has the opportunity to see her grand-children daily as almost all of my nieces and nephews live abroad and one sister is even estranged from her sons.

So, I wonder what the future holds for me. Right now it looks like I might be doing long-distance grand-parenting too :)

A New Thing

Today I got contact lenses :) I have been thinking about getting them ever since I read about the new range of contact lenses available for presbyopia. I thought about getting the lens implant done but couldn't bring myself to try it so I have opted to try out contact lens first. I had the tests done and ordered the contact lenses before my Israel trip but I couldn't find the time to go to the optometrist before I left. I regretted it a great deal during the trip because I had to keep switching between my reading glasses and my sun glasses as it was blindingly hot yet I also had to refer to the guides and the Bible during the tour. So I ended up wearing my sun glasses on top of my reading glasses :) Yes, I bet I looked like a dork.

So today I went and got my lenses fitted :) They fit comfortably but my brain seems to have trouble adjusting to them so though I don't need my reading glasses now (I'm typing this without my glasses! Yay!), I can't see far objects clearly! I am supposed to try them for 2 weeks then go back to see if my brain has caught up with my eyes or whether I need a new pair of contacts. For now, it is pretty exciting though I keep reaching for my reading glasses automatically when I sit down at the computer or pick up something to read. Hahahaha. Old habits die hard.

Living to Tell the Tale

I think I might have to re-think my thoughts on being a solo traveller. I have just come back from a 2 week tour of Jordan and Israel that definitely stretched my physical capabilities to the max. I am exhausted. And very glad that I booked a 3D2N stay at Bintan next week. I seriously need recovery time. I am also very glad that J booked me 2 massage slots last weekend, on Sat and Sun, because I needed them both!!!

In all, I have mixed feelings about my tour. The highlights of the tour were the many things I learnt, and cliched as it sounds, the Bible has come alive to me in many ways, most of all in an understanding of the landscape and social setting of the times. We were blessed by a truly gifted local guide who is a Messianic Jew, rooted in a deep understanding of the Word that has inspired me. Unfortunately, I was not able to live on the Word alone but needed creature comforts too and the poor quality of accommodations we had affected my mood quite a bit. I didn't mind the walking and climbing so long as I could have a hot bath at the end of the day and a decent bed to sleep on. It was not always to be. So, while I did learn a lot, I don't think my $4k was well spent.

On a happier note, I was very encouraged to hear from the editor of Seasons of Life (my church newsletter) that many readers were blessed by the serialisation of my 8 Not-So-Simple-Rules for Dating. That made me really happy. It was frustrating to edit my articles to 1500 words and I felt that at times my style of writing had to be compromised, but I'm glad to have had the opportunity to be published :) Maybe I should write a book like J keeps telling me to :)