A Song I Love

I love this old hymn. It is one of my favourites and it comforts me every time.

"Before the throne of God above,

I have a strong and perfect plea.

A great high Priest whose Name is Love

Who ever lives and pleads for me."

This verse reminds me of God's promise. That when I die I will go to heaven and I will be able to stand before His throne. Not because I have been a good person and not because of any merit I have earned but because I have Jesus as my great high priest who will stand in front of God with me and plead to God to accept me despite all my faults and all my sins and all my weaknesses. Why? Because He loves me. His name is love.

How much does Jesus love me?

"My name is graven on His hands,
My name is written on His heart.
I know that while in Heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart."

That's how much Jesus loves me. He has my name carved into His hands. The name 'Vara' is written in His heart. And as long as He stands there beside me in Heaven, no one can ask me to leave or say I have no place there.

"When Satan tempts me to despair

And tells me of the guilt within,

Upward I look and see Him there

Who made an end of all my sin."

Many times I am overwhelmed by my guilt. Many times I think I am unworthy. But that is just the deception of Satan and what Jesus calls me to do is to look at Him, not at myself. He died on the cross to pay for my sins. He took all my blame and if I continue to feel guilty, it is a false guilt.

"Because the sinless Savior died

My sinful soul is counted free.

For God the just is satisfied

To look on Him and pardon me."

God is holy and He cannot accept me as I am with all the taint of my sins. But because Jesus who is without sin died in my place, holy God is satisfied and pardons me. My amazing amazing God who sent His son Jesus to die on the cross to save me.

"Behold Him there the risen Lamb,

My perfect spotless righteousness,

The great unchangeable I AM,

The King of glory and of grace."

And after dying on the cross, Jesus who was the sacrificial lamb who paid for my sins rose from the dead.On my own I have no righteousness. I can try to be perfect but no human being can live a spotless life. Every day I sin - when I am impatient, when I am unkind, when I am envious. But I am able to stand in the presence of God with all my sins and weaknesses because God in His grace accepts the sacrifice of Jesus for me.

"One in Himself I cannot die.

My soul is purchased by His blood,

My life is hid with Christ on high,

With Christ my Savior and my God!"

And just as Jesus died and rose again, I will rise with Him. My body will die one day but my soul never will for I will have eternal life with Christ.With His death on the cross Jesus has redeemed my soul from punishment and guaranteed that I will be in Heaven. Jesus will wipe out all my sin. Jesus Christ, my Saviour and my God. I need nothing because I have Christ in my life.

Weekend @ Batam

I went away for the weekend to Batam with my sisters-in-law and we had a good time. Harris Resort Hotel was pretty decent – the rooms were spacious and clean (though the shower curtain in my room had a strange smell). We didn’t use many of the hotel facilities, though, as most of the time was spent shopping in Nagoya Hill Plaza which is apparently Batam’s newest mall. A funny thing was that on the first day the hotel shuttle bus dropped us at the back entrance of the mall and we spent hours there thinking that was all there was to the mall only to discover the next morning that it was actually a huge mall and we had only seen one section of it!

Our package included an hour’s massage at the hotel spa and I must say that I did not enjoy it as much as I had hoped I would. The spa was quite run-down although the ambience was nice. At first I was excited to be ushered into a rooftop hut for the massage but was almost immediately appalled to see a cigarette burn hole in the towel covering the bed. The staff changed the towel immediately when I asked but when I lay down, I discovered that the towel they had changed was damp :( But the masseuse didn’t understand when I said it was damp and kept insisting that the towel was alright. The experience was also marred by the fact that the masseuse wasn’t very experienced and had a cold! I was quite distracted by her constant sniffling and she excused herself twice to go outside and cough. I kept hoping I wasn’t going to catch a cold from her! This was the first massage session when I did not fall asleep, so you can guess the quality of the experience….

The best part of the weekend for me was Sunday morning which we spent at a salon in Nagoya Hill Plaza. Five of us occupied the upstairs of the salon and all had our nails done at the same time. Three of us also had our legs waxed and it was great fun to be just sitting there and chatting while the girls did our nails. My sisters-in-law and I have never done this kind of thing together before. Usually we go out for a meal, but somehow this seemed like a more fun activity for me than eating together. It’s a pity manicures are so expensive in Singapore or else I would suggest doing this more often. We talked about coming out to Batam again just on a day trip, but I didn’t really like the quality of the work done on my nails to come here on a regular basis. The Batam girls were no match for my monthly routine at Serenity Cove and my massage at Spa Esprit. I know it costs me 4 times more in Singapore but it is a luxury treat I give myself and going all the way to Batam for a less satisfactory experience doesn’t appeal to me. I guess I will go just for the company and for the chance to sit and talk with my sisters-in-law, but not for my regular de-stress session. That has to be my fave places in Holland Village still.

All in, it was a fun experience and I am really glad we had this break together. I wish we had done less shopping and more talking or playing games. I still feel that although we are all family and have known each other for more than 20 years, there is still a level of closeness missing that I feel with my friends. Only 3 of us are more open in talking to each other and I wish there had been an opportunity in this trip for all of us to have gotten to know each other better. Or maybe I was expecting too much too soon?

Quotes to Prepare Me for Old Age... Haha :)

"To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent; that is to triumph over old age."
-Thomas B. Aldrich


"Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age."
- French proverb

I Missed My Blog...

I have missed updating my blog. This realisation came as a shock to me, because that’s the kind of thing I would have expected my daughters to say – that Net savvy generation :) Then I realised I also checked my email frequently and surf online for all kinds of stuff and on days when I leave my handphone behind at home I feel like I have lost part of myself. Oh No! I am morphing into a netizen!

That realisation apart, I’m thankful I haven’t reached the stage of a parent I just heard about during lunch. Apparently this mum (a friend’s friend) chats on the MSN with her daughter who is in the next room. She says that it is a great communication channel because her daughter tells her more things and is a lot more open on MSN. Yikes! The thought terrifies me. It’s like a scene out of a science fiction movie. But somehow what once seemed like a highly unlikely thing to happen, seems now to be a rather commonplace event. I found it strange the first time Jen and I chatted when we were both in office (Shh!) but now I don’t think about it at all. And then I get a little perturbed when I learn about strange occurrences in my children’s lives through their blogs but then am quickly thankful that I did get to hear about it at all! We live such rushed lives that I can’t remember the last time we were all at home in the evening. So I guess keeping in touch through blogs, chats and email beats not knowing what’s going on at all!

Talking about keeping in touch, I am going to Batam with my sisters-in-law tomorrow. It’s going to be a 7-woman gang descending on the unsuspecting island and we are going to be staying at the Harris Resort Hotel. I am praying the hotel is nice because I organised the booking of it. We are also booked for a 1 hour massage session, so it should be gooood…. I am not keen on shopping so am more likely to be looking for a mani-pedi place than anything else. More when I come back!

Book-crossing

Book-crossing has come to Singapore! Yay! I first knew about bookcrossing when I was visiting Australia and chanced across a book that had been left on a train. I didn’t take it away then as I was too scared. The whole concept was alien to me because I am a book-hoarder. When I want to read a book I usually buy it and when I have finished it, it sits on my bookshelf as testimony that it has been read. But the motto of bookcrossing is “Books need to be freed!” And as space becomes a premium in my small flat and my bookshelves become laden with books, I have begun to think that perhaps it is better that I ‘freed’ more books to be read by others.

So what is bookcrossing? It essentially involves people ‘releasing’ books, that is, leaving books that they have read, in public places where others can find them. When you ‘catch’ a book you go online to http://www.bookcrossing.com/ and register as having found the book. The person who has released the book would have also journalled about the book and you can add your comments and talk to others who have read the book on online forums. So it can be really fun, because you never know what book you will find, where or when. So when a book ‘crosses’ you, you can choose to read it, review it and then release it again or if you aren’t attracted to the book, you can just leave it where it is for someone else to pick up.

So now, bookcrossing has come to Singapore. According to the media hype, we are the first place where bookcrossing has been implemented in a whole country. Ha ha – of course we would be. We are so small! Though I am excited that bookcrossing has come to Singapore, I am really disappointed that a lot of the fun and excitement of catching a book is lost because it has been implemented in such an officious way.

Unlike other countries, in Singapore you can only find books at designated hotspots at Cafe Cartel, Cafe Galilee & SMRT taxis. This just ruins the spirit of book crossing. The great thing about bookcrossing is not knowing when or where you will find a book or even what book you will find. It is the serendipity of the thing that is exciting! If I have to go to designated hotspots to find a book I might as well go to a library. It's the same experience & I will have a wider choice!

I find it really strange that the CEO of NLB said in the ST interview that he hopes that bookcrossing might get people who don't come to the library to pick up a book and read it. If NLB really believed that, then they shouldn't be institutionalising the adventure of bookcrossing. Worse, instead of allowing bookcrossers to leave the book any place they choose, those who want to free their books have to do it at the customer service centres of libraries. This means of course, that a person who wants to share his book has to go all the way to a library and drop it off. This is ridiculous & I predict this is going to be the main reason for a slow demise of bookcrossing in Singapore because people are just not going to make the special trip to the library just to release a book.

Bookcrossing means leaving a book in places where people linger & where other people will pick it up - on a park bench, on a cafe table, on a bus, at a clinic. Why should I take my book, go to my nearest library, probably queue to get to the customer service person, then go online and register the release? Where is the fun in that?

This is just so typical of our society. Fear of litter, fear of 'unsavoury' books getting circulated, fear of losing control. Excited about stuff happening in other countries, desperate to bring it to Singapore but so very afraid to let things happen naturally. It is as if someone was sent to see how other cities get their buzz, they find a quirky phenomenon and then they think that just by bringing that isolated act into Singapore they would somehow re-create the same experience without understanding that it is about something more than that. There are thousands of books being crossed all over the world without librarians being appointed to monitor it, there are people going online and writing about books and freeing them just because they want to share their love of books. Why must we regulate bookcrossing so closely? It's sad.

I Am Blessed

Wow I can’t believe a week has gone past since I last updated. It was a hectic week and an even more hectic weekend that actually makes coming to the office feel like a rest-stop ;) Phew! Many things happened.

I ran a workshop on pedagogy on Friday that took some time to prepare for. The workshop went well I thought, and I was really happy when Pat, one of my Heads, told me this morning that she felt I had a calming effect on people and that I had a knack for bringing things into perspective. I feel really affirmed and I’m glad she bothered to tell me that.

On Wednesday I met Neena for dinner at The Vila’ge at Heeren. It was a nice quiet evening of catching up. A complete contrast to the raucous evening I had had at Esmirada :) But then that is the really nice thing about my friends – that they are all so different and when we meet we talk about really different things. But when I want to have deep, soul-searching conversations then it has to be with Wai Yin and Neena because they listen so well and give me space to be myself and I never feel judged no matter how much I mess up. So Neena and I talked about family, our own needs, and what’s nice is that we meet each other only about once a year and we just pick up where we left off.

Well, right up to Thursday I only had ‘pick up Maya’ pencilled in my diary for Saturday. but suddenly there was an exponential increase of activities for Saturday. On Thursday, Siong messages me and says can we meet for lunch / tea / dinner before Neena leaves and then I ask Neena and miraculously Sunil says ok when she asks and there it was – a dinner date on Saturday between Siong, Neena and me. Then wonder of wonders on Friday, I was going down the escalator at Great World after lunch when I saw She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named going up the escalator on the other side! So of course I had to scream at her (for which I got scolded) and that ended with our Saturday dinner becoming a foursome because how could she not meet up with us? We hung out at NUS together for goodness sake!

So Saturday was a day of great excitement as Maya finally arrived - after months of praying and deliberating and planning! And then I met my buddies from my NUS days for dinner at the Hotel Phoenix Coffee House in the evening. I took photos but She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named threatened to decapitate me if I put the photo on the blog and I am not allowed to mention her name under pain of similar death threats so details shall remain murky. Suffice it to say we had a good time, even though She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had to rush off as she had another appointment. We have made vague promises about keeping in touch & I really hope we do, because I have many fond memories of our days in NUS. We were a gang – Neena, Siong, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named , Kenneth & me. And I’m glad our paths have crossed again.

But scheduling was a big madness on Saturday as I also wanted to visit a friend at church whose mother had passed away and then my sister-in-law’s mother-in-law was hospitalised and I wanted to look in on her as well. So there I was on Saturday – up in the morning, cook lunch, take cab to wake, come back from wake & get a ride to the airport from Vijay to pick up Maya, then shower and go to SGH to visit the mother-in-law, then off to dinner with the NUS gang. Sunday was a blur of cooking in the morning, church, then lunch + washing up, then collapse for a much needed nap, then of course the usual Sunday afternoon ritual of tea for Durai. I’m just glad we decided to eat out for dinner. We also borrowed a DVD and watched ‘Music & Lyrics” after dinner. It was actually funnier than I had thought it would be – in fact I couldn’t get “POP! Goes my heart” out of my head :)

So here I am at the beginning of another work week. And as I was thinking over all that had happened these past few weeks, I just feel really blessed that I have met so many of my friends this year. I think this year, more than in previous years, somehow, I have managed to see a number of people who have mattered in my life.

But most of all, I am really happy today because an old friend and I set right a friendship that had gotten strained for all the wrong reasons. I have had this friend on my heart the whole weekend and today we agreed to 'take a mulligan'. The incident never happened; all is forgiven; we start over on a new page. God is good.