I Like Things Just the Way They Are

I know this about myself - that I don't embrace change easily. Yet, every time I struggle with change it comes to me as a surprise. Having known I am resistant to change, wouldn't I cope better? 

In some ways I think I do. I am able to recognise those times when I snap at others or cross my arms during meetings or have a chatter in my head that is louder than the discussion going on around me as being symptoms of my refusal to embrace change. It takes me time to adjust to a new way of doing things, to new places, to new people. And I have made many decisions in the past because it was more expedient to keep things status quo.

But it seems to me that I am in a place / phase now where God wants to 'loosen me up', to change (yes, change!) me in ways I am not too crazy about. One phrase that has haunted me since last week is "new wineskins for new wine". I know there are many people who would get excited at the prospect of this. But I am not one of them :)

I have had quite a few changed circumstances to deal with last year - in the family, in my job, and now in my workplace and to be totally honest, I am feeling stressed. I would love some space and time to myself to think, to pray and to just make sense of the changes so that I can soothe the 'me' that is complaining loudly inside my head. I feel I don't have head-space and heart-space to deal with the needs of others right now.

I have hard decisions to make ahead of me. But those decisions would create more changes and I realise I am putting off making these decisions only because I feel there are too many things for me to cope with already. Right now I feel, maybe old wine in old wineskins is ok really...

The Old and the New

In the 2 months I have been at my new job, I have heard a phrase repated many times, that I never once heard in my old office - the phrase, "when we have reached our age..." :) The phrase is a frequent preface to any number of observations from the many aches that are felt, the types of food that agree and do not sgree with us, the way we respond to work challenges to snippets of family life that are shared...

I realise that for the first time in my career, I am working with colleagues who are the same age or older than me. And I am puzzled why I find it a strange experience. One would expect, wouldn't one, that your colleagues would be of the same age as you? Why, I wonder, have I always worked with people younger than me? And I realised this last year - that I have only 1 friend who is a year older than me. Most of my close friends are really at least 5 to 10 years younger than me!

I am learning a different way of relating at work now. I curb my tongue lest my jokes are too cutting, I ask for advice and take care not to proffer opinions too quickly, I say my share of "at my age" :) I miss the easy camarederie of my younger colleagues in my old workplace; I miss gathering at the centre table for coffee and gossip; I miss crowding around computers to view the latest Kate Spade sale pieces. I expect I will be making new memories at my new workplace too. I know this is a transition phase and I will soon settle in. But we are moving to new premises on Tuesday and I for one am loath to leave.