I Like Things Just the Way They Are

I know this about myself - that I don't embrace change easily. Yet, every time I struggle with change it comes to me as a surprise. Having known I am resistant to change, wouldn't I cope better? 

In some ways I think I do. I am able to recognise those times when I snap at others or cross my arms during meetings or have a chatter in my head that is louder than the discussion going on around me as being symptoms of my refusal to embrace change. It takes me time to adjust to a new way of doing things, to new places, to new people. And I have made many decisions in the past because it was more expedient to keep things status quo.

But it seems to me that I am in a place / phase now where God wants to 'loosen me up', to change (yes, change!) me in ways I am not too crazy about. One phrase that has haunted me since last week is "new wineskins for new wine". I know there are many people who would get excited at the prospect of this. But I am not one of them :)

I have had quite a few changed circumstances to deal with last year - in the family, in my job, and now in my workplace and to be totally honest, I am feeling stressed. I would love some space and time to myself to think, to pray and to just make sense of the changes so that I can soothe the 'me' that is complaining loudly inside my head. I feel I don't have head-space and heart-space to deal with the needs of others right now.

I have hard decisions to make ahead of me. But those decisions would create more changes and I realise I am putting off making these decisions only because I feel there are too many things for me to cope with already. Right now I feel, maybe old wine in old wineskins is ok really...