Doing Small Things Faithfully

Some days I think I don't have the strength to do God's will. I feel He asks too much of me and I'm overwhelmed by my human-ness. Sometimes I respond with resignation and say "I can't do that"; sometimes I get angry with Him and say "It was easier when I wasn't a Christian. You ask me to do such difficult things." But God takes all my nonsense and patiently waits till I am ready to obey. Because after all the struggle I have to accept that it is the right thing to do.

Today Pastor Stanley talked about much the same thing in his sermon - CHOOSING to walk through the narrow gate because that is the road that will lead to Christ; CHOOSING to bear fruits that are worthy of Christ. But I'm struggling, even now, to obey. To give up self-indulgence, immediate self-gratification - for the unseen promise of eternity that can only come with self-denial and discipline.

It is a daily choice to obey. A daily choice to keep your mind, spirit and body sanctified for God's use. It is a difficult struggle for me - especially at times when I feel time is running out, another year has passed & I have yet to see the fruits of my obedience.

But God is asking me to leave my tomorrows and my yesterdays in His hands. To just be faithful where I am today. Words I read in The Sunday Times today come to mind - "measure success by whether we do good, rather than whether we do well".... To do small things that draw attention to God rather than big things that draw attention to ourselves. So I need to ask how I can turn my gaze from looking inward to looking more upward and outward. To do small things faithfully - like the driver of a taxi I got into yesterday... Just above each door handle of his taxi he had printed "Knock and the door shall be open to you". How marvellous - a simple message, but what a wonderful opportunity to begin a conversation with any passenger who asks and to share the gospel.I have much to learn, Lord.

Going to Laos

I took a DEEEEP breath and said yes. Yes I will go to Vientiane, Laos with the small team that is going on 10 Dec. My first short-term mission trip....

I'm still full of misgivings. Chief concern is the cost because it costs twice what I thought it would. But $700 is still better than the $960 which was the original cost of going to Luang Prabhang, so I guess God has given me a discount :) I'm praying that the church will give some sort of subsidy... My second worry is where we will stay. The leader says - in a guesthouse - but I have no idea what that would be like. If it's rustic, that's ok, but will I have a hot shower & a decent bed? It seems so bratty to be thinking these things. Aren't I supposed to be focusing on the mission & not my bodily comfort? But gosh, will my achy back take it? I know one thing about myself - I can walk anywhere and do all sorts of sweaty, dirty things so long as I can come back to a hot shower and bed at the end of the day! Then, there is the food. I see from the websites that the Lao people eat sticky rice and fish as their staple food. Sticky rice I can handle. Fish???!! And then Angie mentioned, oh so casually, that many of the children have lice. At that point, I said, God, am I hearing You right? You sure I'm supposed to be going?

So my dears, pray for me. God has got to carry me through this one. And Rubhi, I'm SOOO glad you're coming. When I start crying, remind me that I WANTED to come, ok? :)

Priceless!

Jennani's face says it all! Definitely a Hariharan Family moment! Who else but me and my sisters would do this! Yay zap zap tummy! :)

The Reason I Want to go to London NOW!

Resuscitated by CPR!

I had a wonderful 3 days away with God by myself. I attended a Contemplative Prayer Retreat (CPR!) held at The Montfort Centre off Bukit Timah Road. I didn’t even know the place existed!

I kept asking myself before I went, whether I was ready for it? I imagined that this was the kind of thing that mature Christians who had walked with God for a long time, would do. I didn’t sign up until the last day (because I was secretly thinking that as there were limited places, maybe they might all be taken up…) but looking back, I think the place was reserved for me by God’s Hand – because everyone else at the Retreat had signed up with a friend and there was only one other person (bless you Karen) who had signed up alone. So of course there was room for me at the inn!

And of course, that was another worry for me – who would I be sharing a room with? How do I spend 2 nights with a stranger (not forgetting my famous snores that only my husband and daughters can sleep through…)? So many questions. Right till the morning before I left I was still debating whether I should go. The only reason I went was that I got little sympathy from all the ones I moaned to. Rubhi just rolled her eyes and said “MOMMM!” in an exasperated way, Cecelia laughed at me and was amazed that I had never shared a room with a stranger and wise Mary said “Just show up. That’s all God asks.” And so, show up I did and guess what? God showed up too!!!

I had forgotten how sweet it is to heed God’s call to “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest” (Mark6:31). I had last gone on a contemplative retreat in 1994! It was a one day retreat led by Joyce Hugget when I was still with MCI. I had forgotten how close to God I had felt then. So this time at the retreat felt like a reunion, a re-discovery of the times I used to spend just being silent with God.

So, I am back. Feeling loved. Assured that I am forgiven. Resuscitated by CPR.

Celebrating Deepavali at the Office

We had a pre-Deepavali fashion show at the office on the eve of Deepavali. The gals I am with are Saroja & Chitra who both work with me. And no that messy cubicle at the back is not mine. Mine's worse! :)