Don't Settle!

"Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle."

- Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Address, 2005

It's a Matter of How You Look at It

"The past cannot be changed. What is done is done. But the perception of the past can be modified. You can hang on to the anger and the memories that keep on destroying life day in and day out OR you can be set free to live one day at a time. You can help heal the past with humour by enlarging your perspective, dropping your fears, and seeing many of the hurting incidents of the past as the ridiculous anecdotes they really are. You can laugh today because you did all your crying yesterday."

- Anonymous
http://www.learnwell.org/laugh.htm

Filling in the Missing Bits

Wow! Has it been 3 weeks already since I last posted? No wonder my teacher friends are moaning about the June holidays coming to an end! It seems like June just started!

Well, what has happened since my solo spa holiday? Two events stand out - the Pastoral Care Ministry Retreat that I went on and my Hong Kong escapade with my friends. I will post about my HK trip when I have got all the pics together since most of the pics involving me are in my friends' cameras :)

I went on a one day retreat organised by the Pastoral Care Ministry of my church. The theme was 'Dreamwork' - how we could make meaning of dreams, especially recurring ones. I admit I was quite sceptical before I started and it seemed like a strange theme for a church sponsored retreat. But I came away with new insights. Dream interpretation is solidly rooted in the Bible. The dreams of Jacob and Joseph, the dream interpretations done by Joseph and Daniel , the assurance that Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, was given in a dream ,all point to the fact that God uses divine dreams to guide us and speak to us.

I had not paid much attention to this aspect of spiritual direction before and I found that the retreat expanded my sense of how God speaks to us. I also had the precious experience of having a dream that had haunted me for 4 years being interpreted. I had this dream sometime in 2006, and although 2 others had interpreted the dream for me, their explanations had not sat well with me. As the retreat director said, when the dream is interpreted as God's intended message for you, you would feel a 'tingle' - "the inner knowledge that something is true and on-the-case". At this retreat, I had the opportunity to try and unpack the dream for myself and felt this "tingle".

So this has been something I have been turning over in my mind... The retreat director said the dream might not have made sense at the time I dreamt it but that God sometimes gives us dreams that point the way and He reveals things in His time. And I think it is no coincidence that this dream makes sense to me only now. I admit, I am intrigued.

My Solo Spa Holiday: Day 1

I have so much to tell you about my wonderful weekend retreat to Javana Spa Resort. I went for a 3D2N trip over the Vesak Day weekend to this resort that is set on a hill. Believe it or not, I first read about this spa in Her World in 1998 and I have been wanting to go there ever since. But money was tight and it wasn't exactly a place one can take children to, so the trip did not become a reality. Till now.

When it turned out that J was not going to be back from the US and K was going home for the summer and I was going to be alone for the long weekend, I decided it would be a perfect opportunity to put into effect my new goal - if I have to choose between sitting it out or dance, I will choose to dance! So I booked myself into the Javana Spa Resort...

Day 1: Fri 28 May 2010

Well, the first day, frankly, was awful.

I had been booked on a 7.00am flight on Garuda ( I hope never to fly it again!) so I had to leave home at 4.50am to be in time for check in. Learning point - never let travel agents book you in flights leaving before 8.30am or you will spend a fortune in taxi fare to the airport because the midnight charges are in effect till 6.00am!

Well, to be fair, my trip started nicely enough - I got a cab, got in time to the airport, checking in was a breeze, I had a leisurely breakfast at Starbucks....mmmm. The flight to Jakarta lasted an hour. As Jakarta is an hour behind us, I landed at 8.00am. I sailed through immigration as well and waiting at the arrival gate was the Javana Spa rep with a placard. Then started the first of my irritances. I was told I had to wait 20 minutes for another party of 6 women who were also going to Javana but were on another flight. I ended up waiting 50 minutes. They were in an SIA flight which carried far more passengers and consequently took far longer at immigration.

But that ended up being the shortest of waits that day. I was wondering why the Javana rep was so edgy while waiting for the group to arrive and soon enough I learnt the reason... The traffic was horrendous! What was described as a 2 1/2 hour ride took us 5 hours!!!! The traffic literally crawled. In fact the traffic was moving so slowly on the expressway that scores of children were walking around hawking drinks and snacks.



The kids were all lined up along the expressway and some of them lugged cartons of mineral water, fruit baskets, keropok down from what appeared to be a kampung inside the thick vegetation. It was then that i realised this traffic jam must be a regular affair!

By the time we got to the spa I was hot, tired, sore-bottomed, frazzled and definitely in a foul mood. But the spa staff was wonderful. They made soothing noises, clucked at the traffic and the heat and promised us that we would soon feel relaxed, now that we were at Javana...

I had a prettily laid out lunch with a really cold glass of water-melon juice. See those breadsticks? They undid all the effects of the spa food. Lethal.



My first experience of eating alone was not pleasant. Strangely, I felt exposed. This surprised me because I have spent many hours in HV Starbucks or Coffee Club by myself and all I had needed was coffee and a book. Yet on this holiday, that I was dining alone seemed to stand out. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that Javana had few amenities , with no internet, no phone, no TV and nowhere to go other than round the compound. So almost everyone was there either in a group or as a couple. I'm sure many of the guests must have been puzzled about my solo visit to a place where there was little to do except talk and read.

Anyway, I found day meals easier to handle than the evening meals, maybe because of the ducks. This was the outdoor table that was my refuge and if you look closely behind me you will see my dining companions :)



Well, after lunch I was shown to my room....


... a king-sized bed with french windows that opened out to this view...



But I was freaked out. Because before the manager opened the door of the room, he rang the doorbell. To warn the spirits.... Aaaagh!!! The moment I closed the door behind him I dropped my bag and prayed over the room!!! Made sure the Holy Spirit was the only spirit occupying my room that night!

Because we had arrived so late, I missed the afternoon nature hike, but I had the first of my 3 massages that afternoon.... blissssss.... The massages were the most indulgent part of my trip. A massage every day.... But after the massage the day went downhill.

At 6.30 they served mocktails by a fireside. I walked into the lounge and felt like I was back in the school canteen, with all the benches full and no one making space for me. I walked straight through the lounge, out to the lobby and circled back to my room again. I sat and read for half hour then ventured to the dining room and sat at the table by myself and felt the first wave of loneliness.

I don't even remember what I ate the first night of my solo holiday. I kept my eyes glued on my book, smiled at the waiter, and when dinner ended (at 8!) I went back to my room and cried. I prayed and wrote in my journal and harangued God and had a full blown pity party for myself, saying over and over again I shouldn't have come, I should have found stuff to do in Singapore (visit my sister, clean the house, finish up office work, shop, watch movies) and asking God how was I going to survive another 2 days.... The silence was the deepest I have ever experienced. I think I would have even welcomed the sound of the cicak that I hate. I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I danced with God.

My Solo Spa Holiday : Day 2

Day 2: Sat 29 May 2010
My second day began with a loud knock on my door - a knock guaranteed to wake up even the soundest of sleepers with a start - at 5.30 am! Thankfully that meant it was 6.30 am in Singapore and that wasn't too early for me (plus I had slept really early the previous night...).

This was the sight that greeted us as we gathered to set off for our first activity of the day - a hike to Waterfall Nombor Dua (No. 2). What I really wanted was a cup of coffee. What we got was herbal tea. Sigh.

Well, I was pretty excited about the hike really. I had stopped exercising for a while and I must say the hike has in a way jump-started my exercising again. The hike was a great ice-breaker and by the time we reached the waterfall half an hour later, I had 6 friends - 2 Indonesian men who belonged to the same sports club abd travelled together, a Japanese couple (and the husband looked like Ng Eng Hen, I swear) and a gay couple, one of whom had lived in Singapore for a few years before. They all had one thing in common - at various times they all either caught me when I slipped, or helped me over tricky bits :)

The highlight of my second day came at the end of this trek -Waterfall No. 2. The manager had encouraged us to wear our swimsuits under our trackpants for the trek so we could swim in the waterfall. I was very very sure I was not going to put my feet into the freezing water let alone get into the pool, but I wore my swim suit anyway. And I am so glad I did! Because when we reached the beautiful waterfall, I stood there on the edge of the pool, watching some people jump in, screaming because of the cold, and remembered, dear Wai Yin, my promise that if I had to choose to sit it out or dance, I will dance.

So I danced....







The water was freeezing, but this was the highlight of my holiday - the time I decided to get in and walk through the waterfall!!! I really thought I was going to drown and I couldn't see anything because of all the water pouring down on me. But I had a great sense of accomplishment. The feeling is indescribable. And when we got out of the pool, the guide had towels and steaming cups of ginger tea waiting for us! It was easily the best ginger tea I have ever had :)

When we got back, it was past 7 am and we had breakfast. Each day, a staff would plan my day's programme for me and give it to me at breakfast. My second day's programme included an aerobics class (a fantatstic aerobics instructor! How I wish he was teaching in Singapore and not Javana...), another massage (mmmm), a pedicure with foot reflexology and an exercise class called 'Below the Belt' (well you can guess what areas were targetted in the class).

I also went on a nature appreciation walk...





and that sums up my second day at Javana.

Dinner that second night was a much more pleasant affair. The morning hike had broken the ice and when I walked into the dining room, the group of Indonesians who had helped me in the pool waved me over to join them and though I had a hard time following the conversation at the table (because they spoke Bahasa Indonesia), I was grateful for the friendship.

Sleep came easy....

My Solo Spa Holiday: Day 3

"The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of His hands..." (Ps 19:1)

These beautiful skies and towering mountain greeted us on Day 3 when we gathered again for an early morning hike to another waterfall - Nombor Empat (No. 4). The guide promised us that this one was bigger and the most beautiful of all. He also warned us that the climb was more difficult.

I was really buoyed up by my encounter with Waterfall No.2 and wasn't going to miss No. 4! My new found courage began to fail me quite soon because the path to this waterfall was indeed more treacherous than the day before. It had rained the previous night and the rocks were very slippery. My shoes had seen nothing more challenging than the floor of the aerobics room in MOE and the roads of Dover and I slipped, slid and slithered with abandon.

Our trekking group was severely reduced as many who had been to Waterfall No. 2 had decided one waterfall was all they needed to see. The going was the roughest I have tried. Footholds were cut into the rocky face but it was a steep descent and the makeshift bamboo handrail that kind souls had put in place did not extend along the whole trail. But again, as in the day before, I found many helping hands. A gentleman who had just arrived in Javana the night before, broke off a sturdy branch and offered it to me - "nak tongkat?" - and it literally was a life-saver. A Caucasian man who was behind me regaling me with stories of the years he had spent in Singapore assured me - "Don't look ahead at the rest of them. Just walk at your own pace. We aren't in any hurry..." and then when the going got tough he sidled past me and went ahead so he could lead me over the rough patches. The worst bit of the trek was when the footholds stopped and we had to walk sideways along a ledge of rock. That's when I wanted to turn right around and go back!

But I made it to Waterfall No. 4!!!



And though it looks like I am cavorting with strange men in these pictures, I assure you my dears, that these were just really, really kind strangers who encouraged me and guided me across the rocks to walk into the waterfall :) And it was a wonderful feeling!

I walked through that wall of water, not able to open my eyes, gasping from the sheer coldness and volume of water pouring down on me... and then in just a few heart-stopping seconds, I was on the other side of the fall ... and it was absolutely calm. Whenever I read again the words of God in Isaiah, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you", this is the experience I will remember.

The other Singaporeans and I had decided not to risk being stuck in the return jam, so we left early before the rest of the guests checked out. So I had time only for one more massage and an aerobics class.

Isn't it a pretty room? No stuffy airconditioned room smelling of stale sweat. Just open windows and a lovely scenery to look at while exercising.

Well that ended the nicest part of the day, because things went downhill again after that. There was a traffic jam - not as bad as the one we were stuck in on Friday - but energy-sapping nevertheless. The Garuda flight I was on was delayed by an hour - and the only one in the boarding area who reacted to the announcement of the delay was ME....

It was 11.45pm by the time I got home on Sunday. It had been a tiring trip and that seems ironical when you consider the fact that it had been a spa retreat on a hill. But the aspects that had spoilt the trip - the traffic jam, the delayed flight - were not really the fault of the spa management and there was nothing they could have done about it. But I have no regrets. I learnt of a strength within me I did not know I had. And I rested in God's love.