Faith

The picture that always comes to me when I think about the meaning of "Faith" is a scene from the movie 'Temple of Doom'. In search of the Holy Grail the hero (Micheal Douglas?) comes to a deep black gap at the end of a cliff. He steps out into the total darkness and then suddenly a bridge appears! But he had to step out first. To just put his foot out there into the emptiness when his brain will be screaming that he is going to fall....

I was reminded of the picture again when I was talking to my niece last night. Faith bridges chasms that reason cannot fathom. It is scary. And you ask yourself again and again, Is that what God really wants? And then on and on till you ask "Is there a God?" because you want to hold on to what you think is certainty - the certainty of reason and logic. But God's message defies reason. His message is one of unconditional love, grace and a goodness that the human mind cannot understand. But as the French mathematician and theologian Blaise Pascal noted long ago, "The heart has reasons that reason does not know." God can be understood only with the heart, with trust in what cannot be seen, only felt.

I will look at this again the next time I need to act in faith :)

Happy Birthday to ME!

Hmmm... Somehow it was more exciting waiting for the birthday than having it. It turns out to be just another day like any other. Shouldn't it feel different in some way? Well, the only thing different is that a lot more people call than on any other day. I've had the mandatory cake - last night - and then calls from my daughter, my sisters, my niece, friends, ex-students... Then of course there are those who obviously forgot - the usual suspects who unfailingly forget (I know the call will come tomorrow) and a few unexpected ones. But otherwise, it was another working day.

I think it's only the very young and the very old who truly want to celebrate. The young because of the sheer excitement of being alive and the old out of sheer surprise :) We middle-aged ones - what does it matter .. 46, 47, 48, 49.. they all seem like the year before. In fact some years you have to count before you can tell your own age. Ha, ha.

OK all this sounds a lot more melancholic than I intended. No, I am not sad. Just pensive. Like wanting to take stock; weigh what matters and what doesn't. Judge the year and see what was important and what wasn't. Or maybe I should leave that for 31 Dec. Anyway, am off now - to dinner and I miss you sweetie. I wish you were here.

Deepavali

We celebrated Deepavali 2 days ago - on 1 Nov. It's a difficult time for me - because I have to think about how to separate the cultural from the religious aspects of the festival.

It's one of the reasons why people think that Christianity is a Western religion and that those who become Christian seem to become 'less Indian' in some way. I suppose in a way the decision also seems to suggest that there is something lacking in the way of life we have left behind. So the decision to accept Christ is met by a number of reactions - some treat it as a 'betrayal', a loss of one's roots; some go all out to prove by quasi-scientific means that the Hindu tradition is far superior; some ignore the decision and continue to attempt to involve the new Christian in their rituals as if the rituals would awaken the 'strayed one' and bring her back; some give 'open-minded' speeches about how all the religions are the same and ha, ha, what does it all matter???? As you can see, I have been at the receiving end of it all.

It IS difficult, not being part of many traditions. I DO miss many of the rituals I used to perform. But not in an aching sort of way. It's more of nostalgia - a 'that's-how-we-used-to-do-it' sort of way. Like a childhood memory I would share with my children. What I have tried to do is to retain what I can of rituals by re-framing them. So yes, I celebrate Deepavali - because it is the Festival of Light and Christ is the Light of the World. And yes, it is the triumph of good over darkness and evil for "You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning: my God turns my darkness into light" (Psalm 18:28). Yes, I can anoint my head with oil for "You anoint my head with oil: my cup overflows" (Psalm 23:5). And yes, I can wear new clothes for I am called to "cast off my old self ... and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness" (Ephesians 4:22-24). So that is how I have 'Christianized' Deepavali for myself.

For I believe that God calls each one of us wherever we are. And where I was born, who I am is all known to God and it's by His design. So there must be a reason why I was born into a Brahmin family, why I was raised as a Hindu and why it didn't satisfy. So I think God is calling me to grow where I am planted. That is why I will hold on to my 'Indian-ness' - I will be a Varalackshmi, because that's who God called and I don't need a Western name to prove I am a Christian. I will confess God by my thoughts, words and deeds and "may the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer". (Psalm 19:14)