Weddings & Friends

In one of his sermons, Pastor Rennis once asked us what we thought was the happiest human experience and I thought to myself – a wedding! And that was exactly what Rennis said too. Then he described the picture that comes to his mind when he thinks of a wedding – the noise, the laughter, children running around, old friends and relatives meeting, the sense of anticipation in the air and yes, these are the happy feelings weddings create in me too. There seems to be a sense of “happily ever after” hanging in the air that is quite infectious and exhilarating.

The last wedding I enjoyed really was Maya’s and I must say I had great fun. Just got back from another wedding in KL but this one was much too large for me to enjoy. There seems to be an art to getting it just right – too many people invited and you just get lost and your presence at the wedding is not very meaningful for you are just one of many faces passing in front of the couple. Too few and there is a loss of festivity and noise and colour. Hold it in a big hall and the couple is so far away that no one really knows what is going on. Hold it in a temple and no one can see anything because everyone is sitting on the floor with the couple. But a wedding with just the right number of guests means people can catch up with each other, congratulate and tease the couple and the post-wedding reception is a riot.

One of the things I have taken to doing at weddings recently is watching the face of the groom as the bride enters. This is strange, I know. But everyone usually turns around to look at the bride entering the church / hall / temple and that’s the point when I turn to look at the groom instead. And what I have been seeing is really interesting. Most of the grooms I have looked at, had an impassive face and frankly, I was disappointed. 2 grooms were smiling and that made me happy. Only 1 groom was beaming and looked so glad that I found myself smiling too. I wonder what really runs through their minds….. :)

I had looked forward to this wedding in KL quite a bit because I would be meeting an old, old friend after 20 years. This is Jaya, my cousin, the only childhood friend I had I guess. The last time we met was when Jennani was a baby - in 1986 or ’87. It’s funny, but if you had told us when we were teenagers that we wouldn’t be at each other’s weddings, we would have denied it vehemently, but as things turned out, that was what happened. I really can’t remember why or how this happened. She has now settled in the US and I had missed a chance to see her at her niece’s wedding 3 years ago so I was really looking forward to meeting her again.

Sadly, it was a really brief meeting. She looks really different – a lot thinner! But there were just so many people who kept coming up to say hello to her that we had no time to chat. As I said, it was a huge wedding and there were many guests. Me living in Singapore of course does not help matters but she goes back to the US in 2 weeks and has her weekends booked up so I don’t think I will see her before she leaves. That has made me quite sad. I had spent many weekends at their home and we used to talk into the night. If at all I had ‘sleepovers’, my dears, it was only at her place.

A part of me wonders how we grew apart. I think it must have been during those years when I had not yet learnt to cherish and nourish friendships. As I think back I realise there were years when I was wrapped up in courtship or swamped by parenting and running a household and friends seem to be the first thing we sacrifice. I thank God now for friends who have been shelved for years and then got dusted again for renewal and have just fallen back into my life as if they had never left. I am sorry for those that I have left for too long and now our grooves don’t quite match. Most of all, I am glad for those friends who have been constant factors in my life, waxing and waning according to the seasons of my life and my needs – have I taken you for granted?