To Party or Not to Party?

I have been in two minds over having a party for my 50th. A month ago I came really close to deciding I wasn't going to have a party after all. But now so many plans have been made, money paid for food and venue and all my sisters have either arrived or are on their way and some of the invites have gone out so I guess I just have to go through with it.

I have been trying to understand why I keep worrying about it. One part of me has wanted to celebrate my 50th from the time I was 48 - and of course that was when the sisters decided they would all come here in 07. But there is a part of me that feels more diffident. I feel rather shy and actually understand why D was feeling this way before his party too.

One reason I wanted to have a birthday party was because I wanted to put to rest this desire I have had for a long time - I cannot remember having a birthday party as a child. In fact the one birthday party I do remember was one that never happened. We were living in Kampong Tengku then and I had invited 1 friend from school and my cousin Jaya. My mum had made some bhajji but there was no cake and I remember feeling quite embarrassed that I would have no cake if my friend from school came. Well she didn't and Jaya was brought by her mum at 8.30pm, by which time I had given up hope that the birthday was going to be celebrated. That's one birthday I remember because of all the anticipation I had built up and then nothing happened. I guess it was because celebrating birthdays wasn't a thing in my family, then... I don't really remember.

The next birthday I remember was my 21st birthday. And that was a bizarre affair and I can only explain it to myself now as a severe case of terribly low esteem :) I ordered the cake (a really nice big one in the shape of a key) and I invited my friends from NIE and D and his friend. But on the morning of the birthday, I called everyone and cancelled it. There was just so much to do in terms of getting food, plates etc and I just couldn't handle it and I was struck by a severe case of self pity that I was doing all this for myself :) I can't remember what excuse I gave but I just couldn't carry on with the party. But D and his friend still came as they had already bought a present and thought that they would just come and give it to me even though there was no party. Come to think about it, that was quite sweet. So anyway, I cut the huge cake with 2 friends, my nephew and my niece and that was my 21st. And I was miserable after that too.

I have had other birthdays since then - all celebrated by my in-laws - and the usual way I celebrate it is to go out with my family. So if I were to psychoanalyse myself I wonder if my reluctance to have a party is still a case of low self esteem? I feel self conscious, as if I would be drawing attention to myself. And I wonder if people would come. And if people would have fun. And what would we do?

Then the other half of me that wants to have a party reminds me that what I want to celebrate is not myself but God in my life. Why I feel like celebrating is because as I look back at what I have come through and look forward to what lies ahead, I am overwhelmed and can't help but marvel at the grace I have seen in every phase of my life. And that is what I want to share with my family and friends. This half of me thinks, this is what God has done in my life and I deserve to celebrate it. This half thinks, 50 is half a century. Wow.

Back from my Retreats

Can’t believe it’s been almost 2 weeks since I updated. Well, more really - I guess I have been hiding by putting up pictures and other stuff.. haha.. Must say I have had an eventful 2 weeks though. Well, can’t really share all that has passed because much of it had to do with me and God. But suffice it to say that God has showed Himself again to be sufficient for me and I am grateful.

I have gone away for 2 weekend retreats so the past 2 weekends have been busy ones for me. On 22 / 23 Sept I went for Alpha Weekend at Hotel Sofitel. Alpha is a 10-week course that I am co-leading, run to give anyone who is interested, an insight into what Christianity is about. So I meet a group weekly on Wednesday nights and we talk about different aspects of Christianity like Who is Jesus..... The conversations have been interesting and the questions have made me think and leading these sessions have helped to crystallise my own thinking as well.

The Alpha Weekend comes at the end of Session 6 and is a chance for people to meet on a social level as well. I was quite reluctant to go for the Weekend at first but ended up being blessed. It was an interesting experience and gave me lots to think about. I enjoyed the time I spent with the 4 girls who came – Angel, Hui En, Ezen and Freya. They really looked out for me and didn’t seem to mind an old lady tagging along with them… hahaha.

I had the gang over to my place for dinner on Wednesday - invited the others from the Alpha group too and in all there were about 9 of them. We had a good time, just talking and eating. I love being with happy, young people.

I also went away for Cell Leaders retreat this weekend. It is the culmination of the Cell Leaders’ Training that I have been attending for the past 5 weeks. I had a wonderful time of refreshing at the Montfort Centre in Bukit Timah.I had been feeling quite drained and tired. I felt like many people wnated a piece of me and I didn't have energy left. So the opportunity to just rest and sleep and pray was really a time of refreshing for me. I know I have to make time for myself but sometimes I let events and needs set my agenda instead and the retreat was a good reminder that I must remember my human finiteness, that I was created as a human being not a human doing. That rest is part of God's plan for us.So yes, I have come away with a new resolve that I am going to block my Saturday mornings for time away by myself no matter what.

On Saturday evening, Maya and I went for a drink at this really nice place called Graze at Rochester. It had huge couches with pillows that you could lounge on. Pity I didn't take my camera along. I wonder if the place is open for breakfast though. It would be a nice place to retreat to for my Saturday mornings but I doubt it will be open.

And so begins another work week again ....

A Story to Share

A little girl and her father were crossing a narrow bridge. Afraid that the child might fall into the river, the father said, "Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."

"What's the difference?" asked the puzzled father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl. "If I hold your hand and happen to stumble, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go...."


In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

Thank God that we have a Father who will never let us go. Even when we stumble and let go of His hand, His grip is sure and He never lets us go.

My Love Languages

I have a new fascination for the 5 Love languages & if you haven't tried it yet, do go to the link below and take the quiz. It's fun and if, like me, you sometimes get frustrated with your husband or feel that no one cares about you, you might find that the answer is that the people around you have not been speaking your Love Language to you :)

You see, according to the author, Gary Chapman, each person has preferred love languages, that is, means by which he/she feels affirmed and loved. Chapman has identified 5 love languages – Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service and Giving Gifts. A person may have more than one love language.

Words of Affirmation = you feel loved when people tell you how much they appreciate you, compliment you or tell you you have done a good job. Words, words, words!!!

Quality Time = you feel appreciated when people make time to talk to you, have quality conversations not meaningless talk but about important & personal issues, when people do things with you like taking a long walk.

Physical Touch = you feel loved when people hug or kiss you, you like holding hands etc.

Giving Gifts = people buying stuff for you or making things for you make you feel loved. Some people like small gifts regularly, some people like big stuff but generally gifts make you feel appreciated.

So, I decided to find out my Love Language. Surfing the net, I found a number of quizzes that help you find out what your love language is and I found it pretty accurate for me. Yeah, so here is my profile below :)


When you do the quiz your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. The primary love language is the one that indicates what makes you feel loved the most. If two scores are identical, you are supposed to be ‘bilingual’, that is, two primary love languages are important to you. If the scores of the primary and secondary language are close (for example, 10 & 9), it also indicates both are important to you. Whatever a loved one does to express love in either of these languages will get emotional points with you. The highest possible score for any language is 12.

So Words of Affirmation and Quality Time are of equal importance to me and Physical Touch comes in quite close as well. But receiving gifts isn’t a very high priority for me. All you people out there trying to crack your heads trying to think of what to buy for me for my birthday can heave a sigh of relief. No, I won't cry :)

I found that having a clear picture of my primary & secondary love languages explains a lot of things. Chapman encourages us to think back over the past and ask "What have I most often requested from others?" In my case, I also asked myself what did I wish others had said or done. And I found that the answer lay within the scope of my primary & secondary love languages. I had been looking for love in all the wrong places! Hahahaha..

My results make sense to me because when people ask me what I would like for my birthday or what would they like me to buy when they go overseas, I never have anything to ask. If I like something I would rather go buy it myself and when others spend money on me I feel bad. But I love receiving cards and I have stacks of Teachers Day cards in boxes.

Hey if you are bored (or interested) go try the quiz. Details below. And you can borrow the book from me!

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Languages are probably Quality Time and Words of Affirmation

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	9
Words of Affirmation:	9
Physical Touch:	8
Acts of Service:	3
Receiving Gifts:	1

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Seasons of Life

As I look back, I understand better what the phrase “seasons of life” means. At each stage of our lives, the experiences we have, the issues we struggle with and the successes we crave are different. At each stage we wonder, is this all there is and we look forward to another stage when we imagine we will be free of the worries and anxieties that plague us. And they do go away, only to be replaced by other things we fret over.

Thus, the Psalmist’s description of the tree planted by streams as one “which yields its fruit in season” is really a powerful metaphor. The fruits of our lives are all different in different seasons, and we will be foolish to try and force a fruit that is not of the season. So there was a season of my life when the fruits God was looking to me to yield were faithfulness in raising my family and commitment to the job He had given me. So at those stages of my life, my mission field was the home and my school. I was not called to do anything else then.

Now, I feel I am being called to do other things. I have a new desire to share God’s word, to do God’s work. I don’t feel equipped but I know that is my own sense of inadequacy and that God is nudging me towards doors He has opened for me. Right now, I am attending Cell Leaders’ Training and leading an ALPHA discussion group. And every Wednesday I continue to be amazed at how God guides me in what to say to the seekers who come to Alpha. I am really looking forward to the Cell Leaders Retreat on 22nd Sept as well.

The Cell Leaders Training has been interesting and even though I thought I knew all there was to know about myself, I discovered something else and that was my Love Language. I have known about the 5 Love Languages for a while but never really spent time thinking about it as I thought that it was for couples. But during our first training session, we were asked to spend time trying to understand the Love Language of our cell members as that would show us the best way to show our care towards them. I thought about it and went online that night to find out more.

I found a quiz which I could use to find out my own Love Language and completed it. I’ve put that site on my blog so do go and try it if you are interested. I must say that understanding my Love Language has helped me to understand many things about myself – why I am touched more by a letter or card than an expensive present, why I save smses, why the lyrics of some hymns move me, why I worship best with songs. It kind of makes a lot of sense to me. You must have guessed what my Love Language is by now…. hahaha…

So, I learnt something new. And I have a sense of quiet anticipation for this season of my life.

Update

I've been busy with a lot of activities these past two weeks. Finding time to blog has become a luxury. But I have had a good lazy Sunday today. The day began badly because I dragged myself out of bed at 5.45am to go for the Shape run with my friend Dorothy, got ready to leave at 6.20am and discovered I had no shoes because I had left them in the office. It was frustrating. I tried another pair of shoes and left but by thetime I reached the bus-stop I knew I couldn't do 5km in those shoes so came back. Sigh... waste of a nice potential Sunday lie-in :)

But things got better - had a leisurely breakfast & read the newspapers; went to church, cooked lunch and had a loooong nap in the afternoon. Bliss! :)

I've been busy planning the China trip. It's getting really close. The deposit has been paid and am waiting for the NATAS fair to see if I can get a good deal on the airfare. After drawing up very ambitious itineraries, I have come to settle for a more sane itinerary that will mean we see mostly touristy sights and not the 'nice-to-see's. So we are flying to Beijing on 18 Oct to see the Graet Wall. Tianemen Square, Forbidden City etc; then to X'ian to see the Terracotta Warriors; then a luxury cruise down the Yangtze; and then Shanghai and back home on 29 Oct.

I've been warned over and over by my friends who know how fussy I am, that I'm going to hate the food. And Rita just came back from Hong Kong saying she hated the food, so I'm kind of wary about that. Chinese cuisine has never been my favourite so I'm quite worried. But I have decided that I'm going to take things as they come and trust God to work all things out.

I'm going to go over to Maya's place now where my birthday bash planning committee is meeting :) More on that later!

Good to Remember....

From an email sent by Mala. Thanks for sharing :)

How to Stay Young

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches ;)

3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain get idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and Lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen: Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with you your entire life, is yourself. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love: whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

[Taken from an email that my Director sent to us to wish us all Happy Teachers' Day! And to all my teacher friends - Happy Teachers Day too! Hope you had a good time in school and felt loved and cherished!]

Happy 21st Birthday My Darling Daughter!

Today my first born is 21. This is it, baby. You are legally an adult! Time to cut the apron strings & turn you over to the world :) I just want you to know that you have brought me much joy and I am very proud of you. We have survived sibling rivalry, a fractured wrist, turbulent adolescent years, stressful exam periods and hey, we are still friends :) I love you and I thank God for the wonderful ways in which you continue to be a blessing to me, your sister & your father. And my prayer for you is that you will always walk with the Lord and experience His love every day of your life in many wonderful ways. God bless you and Happy Birthday!!!!

Turning 50

I’ve been surfing a lot recently, looking for articles and reflections of others who have turned 50. I am surprised to find myself doing this, wondering – why does this year seem so momentous for me compared to all the other birthdays I have had?

And I found the answer in one of the articles I read. At 50, you realise half your life is over. As the writer of this article put it, it makes you think: what has my life been like so far? What have I achieved? Has my life turned out the way I dreamt it would? Have I achieved all I set out to? And what about the years ahead? What legacy will I leave? How will I be remembered?

I am comforted to know that these questions occupy others as well. My feelings are not unique. Admittedly, most of the articles / books I have read have been written by Americans, but the thoughts and feelings of these women (and men) are remarkably close to mine. And I have been learning a lot about how to value my past and to anticipate the future.

So I have decided to write about these thoughts of mine and sorry, but I’m afraid that’s going to be the bulk of my blog postings from now on.I know 50 is too far away for you, my dears, but this is one stage I want to linger on & share. This is something I want to do and I hope that you will participate and leave me some comments along the way, or write on my tag board.

Well, the world is not going to see my 50th birthday like Oprah's and definitely no big party like Elton John's 60th with Bill Clinton on the guest list, but party I will :)