Not Today

I have had a quiet day today. I intended to. I decided to take this one day to just slow down and to allow the hours to pass, without an incessant need to fill every unforgiving hour with yet another experience, or opportunity or learning. There seems to be a frenzy among some of the others here to DO something - shop or travel or attend a concert or sight-see and often I hear how we must make the most of the opportunity we have. Some days I agree. But when I woke up this morning, I didn't want to DO; I just wanted to BE. I know there are 365 things to do in DC, but today I am not in the mood for any of them.

I think my mood is affected by my lack of sleep. And I am irritated by the lack of connectivity. The internet connection in my room is really bad and I spent a good part of this morning just trying to surf. I am in the students' work room now and the connection isn't any better so I don't know if it's my laptop that is the problem. Or maybe it is because the kids are all using PCs, I don't know.

I wonder at my own inertia. This is what I have wanted to do for so long. To study abroad, to travel, visit museums, read. Yet right now all I want to do is find a good book and a cafe. I hope this is just part of the culture shock and that this feeling will soon pass. I can't put a finger on it, I can't name it. It isn't homesickness. It isn't quite depression. I feel disengaged - like a receiver taken off the cradle. Not willing to connect. Not today.