Making It My Own
During orientation in DC, Holly, from IIE told us that we will need
to be comfortable with ‘structured ambiguity’. I didn’t think more about
the phrase then, but in the last week since we came to UMD, I realise
there was wisdom in that caution.
I am not yet sure of the classes I am going to attend, but I have some idea of what the classes are likely to be. I know which school I will be attached to and the names of my partnering teachers, but I haven’t met them yet and don’t know what I will be doing in the school.
The past week has been a time of adjustment and I have had to struggle with my natural need for order. I realised yesterday that I liked just staying in my room. Perhaps it is the order I have created; the safety. And I have been doing more of that – creating structures. I have a weekly schedule – when I will do grocery shopping, when I will clean my room. I know where to look for the bus schedules. I know how to get to the DC sights from my apartment. I learnt how to use Dropbox so I can store my notes and photos. I have walked to the ATM and withdrawn money. These seem like small tasks when I compare them to all I used to do in Singapore. But each small success has mattered.
This morning I made it to my Faculty Mentor’s room for an appointment at 9am and spontaneously accepted his invitation to visit his class on Storytelling. He told a tale from Limba (now called Sierra Leone) – of how a chief’s daughter was stolen and then rescued by 5 ‘strangers’ – a spider, a rat, an anteater, a chameleon and a biting fly. At the end of the story he asked us – with which of the ‘strangers’ did you identify? To me it was the chameleon. Because he was The Adaptor. And that is who I want to be at this particular time – the one who fits in, who doesn’t stick out, the one who doesn’t need to ask for directions, for help.
As I stood outside the Chemistry building after the class, the thought came to me – I knew where I was. I knew in which direction to walk to get to the library, which direction to take back to the apartment. I knew what I had to do this afternoon, what errand I needed to run and how to find directions to get to the shop I needed to go to. I don’t have to stay in my room.
I am not yet sure of the classes I am going to attend, but I have some idea of what the classes are likely to be. I know which school I will be attached to and the names of my partnering teachers, but I haven’t met them yet and don’t know what I will be doing in the school.
The past week has been a time of adjustment and I have had to struggle with my natural need for order. I realised yesterday that I liked just staying in my room. Perhaps it is the order I have created; the safety. And I have been doing more of that – creating structures. I have a weekly schedule – when I will do grocery shopping, when I will clean my room. I know where to look for the bus schedules. I know how to get to the DC sights from my apartment. I learnt how to use Dropbox so I can store my notes and photos. I have walked to the ATM and withdrawn money. These seem like small tasks when I compare them to all I used to do in Singapore. But each small success has mattered.
This morning I made it to my Faculty Mentor’s room for an appointment at 9am and spontaneously accepted his invitation to visit his class on Storytelling. He told a tale from Limba (now called Sierra Leone) – of how a chief’s daughter was stolen and then rescued by 5 ‘strangers’ – a spider, a rat, an anteater, a chameleon and a biting fly. At the end of the story he asked us – with which of the ‘strangers’ did you identify? To me it was the chameleon. Because he was The Adaptor. And that is who I want to be at this particular time – the one who fits in, who doesn’t stick out, the one who doesn’t need to ask for directions, for help.
As I stood outside the Chemistry building after the class, the thought came to me – I knew where I was. I knew in which direction to walk to get to the library, which direction to take back to the apartment. I knew what I had to do this afternoon, what errand I needed to run and how to find directions to get to the shop I needed to go to. I don’t have to stay in my room.
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