Ir-responsible

What I love most about these days is the irresponsibility. Well, no, that word may not have the right connotation, but I can't think of what the opposite of 'responsible' is, so that would have to do for now :) I love not being responsible. I love waking up in the morning and knowing that if I didn't want to, I needn't do a single thing that day. I love not budgetting.

Perhaps this is a phase of growing up I just missed out on. While I was in school, I felt a sense of obligation; I was reminded on every possible occasion that my sisters were paying for my education. I didn't have carefree days in the Institute of Education because those days consisted of lectures in the morning and teaching in the afternoon - so that meant marking and preparing for lessons during spare time. When I got into university, there was again the awareness at the back of my mind that I was there on a govt scholarship and I needed to keep my grades up. Being accepted into the very first Direct Hons programme didn't help matters at all, because I spent all my time studying and writing papers, always, always conscious of the fact that I needed to keep up a B+ average to stay in the course.

So these Fulbright days feel to me like a second chance. To do the things many people did during their university days that I just did not have the courage - or the irresponsibility - to do. I do my readings, but I don't stay up late to ensure I have finished ALL the recommended readings. I do the assignments, but it doesn't matter because they don't get graded. I don't feel the burden of juggling teaching, administrative work, running a household and mothering that I felt when I was doing my Masters. This time, I am in university to enjoy student life - books, cafes, conversations with friends, time to travel, unwashed laundry, trashy tv, drinks at night, meals-for-one, the jangle of pop-Christian-Hindi songs in the apartment. Irresponsible living.