Who Tells You the Truth?
I have been thinking about this since J and I talked about it on Sunday... Should the truth be told? Why? Sounds like a GP essay topic, doesn't it? :)
I used to find it hard to tell the truth, especially when it concerned telling unpleasant truths. I also found it hard to tell the truth about how I was feeling and I admit that I have chosen to take the easier way out of situations by lying or mitigating the intensity of what I really felt. It is a hard thing to do - telling the truth - and many people (me included) cop out, because telling the truth is often hurtful.
Since our conversation, I have been paying attention to the times I have not told the truth in the past 3 days. It is not a pleasant experience, hearing a lie come out of your mouth and recognising it, saying to yourself "ok that's a lie" and then saying it anyway....!!!! I'm not going to tell you the actual number of lies I caught myself telling, but I realise that on all the occasions I caught myself lying, it was either because I cared what the other person thought of me or because I was afraid of the other person's reaction. Once I lied (this was absolutely the worst one!!!) because I did not want the other person to think I was a bad Christian (hang head in shame, yes...) and twice I lied because I was afraid of the other person's anger.
Interestingly, not wanting to hurt the other person's feelings was not high on my list as a reason. And I asked myself why. Was I such an uncaring person? Surely it would be better to lie if telling the truth meant hurting the other person?
I think there are 2 reasons to this aspect of me. One - I am a teacher. It is important to me that others learn. There is no desire or intention in me to judge the other person when I point out things. Setting wrong things right, correcting misconceptions, pointing out alternative viewpoints, suggesting a better way of doing things - this is what I think I need to do as a teacher. An occupational hazard, I suppose.
Two, I feel, if the people around me don't tell me the truth I need to hear, how will I know? Who will tell me "you are wrong" or "you sounded arrogant" or "you should apologize" or "that doesn't look good on you" or even "you have put on weight"? Only people who love me. Only people who are courageous and honest and care for me more than they fear my anger or hurt. I have such friends and for this I am truly grateful.
The bottomline is this - it takes courage and love to tell the truth. Jesus said "I am the Truth." And every time He encountered half-truths and lies, He gently persisted till the truth emerged. Go and bring your husband He said to the woman at the well; go sell your riches and follow me He said to the young man; you won't have the courage to stand with me He said to Peter. I'm sure all of them cringed or felt embarrassed or got really angry. Yet Jesus spoke the truth.
I know I have grown because many people spoke truths into my life. Many of these truths embarrassed me or made me feel defensive or angry. But I also know that each person who spoke the truth I needed to hear was used by God to grow me and growth comes through pain.
There is another aspect to this, of course. And that involves how we receive the truth. If we lash out at the person who tells us the truth, if we belittle them, if we react by turning on them and listing their faults to get even, then, my dears, you will be lied to. Who speaks the truth to you? Cherish them, for they love you much. Because, only very few people will speak the truth to you without fear or favour. May God bless you with such friends :)
I used to find it hard to tell the truth, especially when it concerned telling unpleasant truths. I also found it hard to tell the truth about how I was feeling and I admit that I have chosen to take the easier way out of situations by lying or mitigating the intensity of what I really felt. It is a hard thing to do - telling the truth - and many people (me included) cop out, because telling the truth is often hurtful.
Since our conversation, I have been paying attention to the times I have not told the truth in the past 3 days. It is not a pleasant experience, hearing a lie come out of your mouth and recognising it, saying to yourself "ok that's a lie" and then saying it anyway....!!!! I'm not going to tell you the actual number of lies I caught myself telling, but I realise that on all the occasions I caught myself lying, it was either because I cared what the other person thought of me or because I was afraid of the other person's reaction. Once I lied (this was absolutely the worst one!!!) because I did not want the other person to think I was a bad Christian (hang head in shame, yes...) and twice I lied because I was afraid of the other person's anger.
Interestingly, not wanting to hurt the other person's feelings was not high on my list as a reason. And I asked myself why. Was I such an uncaring person? Surely it would be better to lie if telling the truth meant hurting the other person?
I think there are 2 reasons to this aspect of me. One - I am a teacher. It is important to me that others learn. There is no desire or intention in me to judge the other person when I point out things. Setting wrong things right, correcting misconceptions, pointing out alternative viewpoints, suggesting a better way of doing things - this is what I think I need to do as a teacher. An occupational hazard, I suppose.
Two, I feel, if the people around me don't tell me the truth I need to hear, how will I know? Who will tell me "you are wrong" or "you sounded arrogant" or "you should apologize" or "that doesn't look good on you" or even "you have put on weight"? Only people who love me. Only people who are courageous and honest and care for me more than they fear my anger or hurt. I have such friends and for this I am truly grateful.
The bottomline is this - it takes courage and love to tell the truth. Jesus said "I am the Truth." And every time He encountered half-truths and lies, He gently persisted till the truth emerged. Go and bring your husband He said to the woman at the well; go sell your riches and follow me He said to the young man; you won't have the courage to stand with me He said to Peter. I'm sure all of them cringed or felt embarrassed or got really angry. Yet Jesus spoke the truth.
I know I have grown because many people spoke truths into my life. Many of these truths embarrassed me or made me feel defensive or angry. But I also know that each person who spoke the truth I needed to hear was used by God to grow me and growth comes through pain.
There is another aspect to this, of course. And that involves how we receive the truth. If we lash out at the person who tells us the truth, if we belittle them, if we react by turning on them and listing their faults to get even, then, my dears, you will be lied to. Who speaks the truth to you? Cherish them, for they love you much. Because, only very few people will speak the truth to you without fear or favour. May God bless you with such friends :)
2 comments:
you update your blog a lot! upon reflection, i do agree with you, but i think that being sensitive with feelings is also really important. because someone may really benefit from hearing a certain critique, but if they are too hurt by your delivery, they may never make a positive change that could help them. and there is also the constructiveness of the criticism to be considered. because some people do give you feedback that you really can't do anything about, because what's done is done, and then you just feel bad...
so truth is good, seasoned with grace :)
You are right sweetie. Like the Bible says "speak the truth IN LOVE"! And yes, there is a right time to speak the truth as well. You know that magnet on our fridge that says "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care"? Good for me to keep in mind :)
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