"(S)he is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaves do not wither. Whatever s(he) does prospers." (Psalm 1:3)
YAY!!!! I am going to be ticking off one from my To-Do list! I am going on a spa holiday on my own this weekend!!!! I just had the tickets and the booking details delivered to me at my office! I am super excited! I'm going to the Javan Spa Resort which is a 2 hour drive from Jakarta. It is totally rustic, with no telephone, no tv, no internet. It is just going to be God and me. When I come back on Sunday I will either be a raving loonie driven to distraction by all that solitude or an ascetic saint who will resign to go live in the mountains.... :) Woooo hoooo!
I just read this post on a blog I follow and it got me thinking...
"A situation on the plane ride home got me thinking. I sat on the aisle seat next to a guy about my age and in the window seat was a pretty gal about my age too. The two of them were talking--I wouldn't say flirting--but talking. The girl was definitely a sweet, friendly girl. When we landed and the lights came on, I could see things more clearly. The girl in the window seat had a huge rock on her ring finger on left hand! Yes, she was either engaged or married. And I wondered...would that girl's fiance or husband be happy if he was an observer of his woman's conduct on her plane trip. No she didn't technically do anything wrong--she could argue that she wasn't flirting.
But I began to think--asile lady's conduct was on the edge, toying with the line of too friendly--too friendly for the status of engaged or married. And not to impose something spiritual on a simple story...but I thought to myself. I have a status as well--I am engaged, betrothed to the king of the universe. Does my conduct demonstrate that status. Or am I flirting with the line of being too familiar, too friendly with the world? Is God cringing at my conversation with the guy next to me on my proverbial "plane?"
Even this evening I can think of a conversation I had that probably made God cringe. It is too easy to forget that I am Christ's Betrothed. When the lights come up, would my unseen behaviour, unspoken thoughts and unheard words shame me or stand up to God's scrutiny?
After I stopped trying to do new things (my failed experiment) it turns out I did do somethings new after all... On Tuesday, we had a Car Rally organised as a bonding activity for my division and I went to parts of Singapore that I had not seen. And yesterday I went to the Asian Civilisations Museum on my own in the evening and surprisingly enjoyed wandering around the exhibits quite a bit.
This week is our Public Service Week. This is an annual event that encourages us civil servants to think about our jobs, find meaning in what we do and also build better ties. The Car Rally on Tues was organised to commemorate CPDD Day. 5 of us piled into my colleague Flo's car and went in search of clues from Waterloo Street to Bussorah Street to Onan Road in the east before heading out to west to Hort Park and back to MOE.
This is my team... Mental note to self - NEVER stand next to Flo :)
Some of the highlights were:
eating ice cream within 1 minute - ouch my teeth hurt.
discovering that the base of the golden dome of the Arab Street mosque was made of soya suace bottles!
trying and miserably failing to play 'chatek' (if my sister-in-law had been on our team, we would have aced it!)
trying to decipher the answers to inane, ridiculous clues such as "what house?" (huh?) and "where is love?" - definitely the most frustrating bit for me!
having to eat piping hot and mouth-searingly, tongue-numbingly chilli paste saturated curry puffs within 5 minutes. This was easily the most tortourous activity for me
Note: this pic was taken BEFORE we bit into the puff!
As part of PS Week, we are also encouraged to go on Learning Journeys and I chose to go to the ACM yesterday and I will be going to Fusionopolis tomorrow (no prizes for guessing why). Although there were many intriguing exhibits I decided to start with the special exhibition 'Treasury of the World' as the exhibition is scheduled to end in June. I thought I would have time to see the rest after that, but the bejewelled exhibits were so beautiful I hardly noticed 2 hours passing. If my bag had not been so heavy, I would have stayed till the museum closed at 7pm.
It has been a good week. I feel my world has been widened, my soul stretched.
Yesterday I read this passage in the book 'Bird by Bird' by Anne Lamott that described my life and gave me great advice:
"My Alcoholic Anonymous friend told me about the frazzled, defeated wife of an alcoholic man who kept passing out on the front lawn in the middle of the night. The wife kept dragging him in before dawn so that the neighbours wouldn't see him, until finally an old black woman from the South came up to her one day after a meeting and said, "Honey? Leave him lay where Jesus flang him."
I have neglected this list for a while now and it has been bugging me. So, here we are, my daughters, at the end of my list of Not-So-Simple rules – No. 8.And what does it mean to test the mettle of your date as a soldier? That when you choose a man to date, my daughters, you must watch how he fights with you., for it will save you many tears in the years ahead.
Last month, I read about a young actress who got married in South Africa; she cooed to the media about how she and her husband had fought only six times during their courtship. Perhaps that was a sign to her that the life ahead was going to be one of marital bliss. If I were her mother I would have been seriously worrried. Because, my daughters, if you and your date do not argue or have full blown “I’m so going to kill you” fights at all during your courtship days, be wary, for it is a sign of dishonesty or disengagement; not perfect harmony.
My daughters, all of us are fallen beings. None of us is perfect and when two complex human beings come together, it is unnatural for them to have an intense relationship without ever having conflicts. The best of friendships are the ones that survive misunderstandings, fears and tears, and, my daughters, I really do pray that the one you date is first and foremost, your best friend. Just as in deep friendships, in a dating relationship, a lack of conflict is not a healthy thing.
Each one of us is uniquely made and each one of us has a personality, a plethora of likes and dislikes, values, opinions and habits. If you analyse the different romance novels and movies, you will find a kernel of truth beneath all the fluff, and that is that many people are attracted to someone quite unlike them. It is immature to expect your date to be like you and to have the same personality as you. Yet many couples of different personalities have a successful relationship because they have learnt to celebrate their differences, to build on each other’s strength and compensate for each other’s weakness. Far from being an ideal partnership, a relationship that has no conflicts is, most likely, not an honest one.
My daughters, it is important for you to talk about issues that matter. It is important for you to be able to disagree and hold different views. It is important that the man you date respects your mind, your opinion and your dignity. It is important that he fights fair. The relationship, my daughters, must not be an issue of control or power play because if one has to win, then it can only mean that the other has to lose.
For some men, the fear of conflict is so great that they withdraw from anything that has even a vague whiff of confrontation. They will not be happy with the situation, but they will not express their real feelings and so you will never have a quarrel. To outsiders this might appear to be a perfect relationship, but danger can lurk beneath the calm surface. The soldier who is afraid of conflict has no mechanism to handle conflict and represses his feelings. Repressed or ignored feelings, my daughters, do not just disappear.
Some men see conflict as threats and feel a need to assert themselves most often through anger; they raise their voice, they intimidate, they insist on being the victors. In such a relationship, my daughters, you will find yourselves trying to keep the peace at all costs. You will be looking out for trigger points, you will accommodate his needs and you will be fearful .
Some men sulk. They mope around, waiting for you to cajole them out of their unhappiness, baby them out of their sadness and nurse their hurts and you will be the one to give in. This , my daughters, is emotional manipulation and your conflicts will not get resolved because the issues will simply tire you out.
My daughters, which type of a soldier will you date? Some soldiers avoid fights; some soldiers rush into battle and lose their heads; some soldiers retreat and nurse their hurts in silence; some soldiers will fight to win at all cost, no holds barred.And when the battle has been fought and won, my daughters, ask yourself, how is peace restored? Some soldiers are grudging and take a long time to make peace; some soldiers will want to rub their opponent’s nose in the mud and remind them of their lost battle every chance they get.
My daughters, the mettle of a soldier is seen only when you are able to see how he fights, how he wins and how he loses. The good soldier does not shy away from battles that need to be fought. But the good soldier respects the courage and strength of his opponent and gives his opponent the dignity of a fair fight. The good soldier is gracious even when he wins and the good soldier will treat the vanquished with dignity.
It is natural to think of dating and courtship will be an exhilarating time. The movies always end at the point when they kiss or when they get married.; the media has definitely created enough make-believe. But real life begins soon enough and when it does, I pray, that you will be blessed with good soldiers, my daughters.
For one week I resolve to do something new every day. It will be a list of 'Firsts' for me. Why? Because I am going to celebrate every new day that God gives me.
Day 1: 7 May 2010 - I used Google Map on my iPhone to find my way to Westbourne Road. YAY!!
Day 2: Sat 8 May 2010 - I learnt how to blog through my mobile phone today. YAY!!!
Day 3: Sun 9 May 2010 - Ate almonds coated in dark chocolate with sea salt and turbinado sugar. YUCKS!!!!!
Day 4: Mon 10 May 2010 - I did something new but it is secret and J can vouch for it. Shhh...
Day 5: Tue 11 May 2010 - I paid a deposit for my first ever SOLO holiday!! YAY!!!
Day 6: Wed 12 May 2010 - Sadly, I didn't do anything new today :( Fail...
Day 7: Thu 13 May 2010 - I have given up on this list.... :)
Last night my 'kawan' WY took me out for dinner. She dug a lot of rubbish out of my soul. And she blessed me with this song, which is her wish for me. So, yes. When I have a choice to sit it out or dance, I will dance. One year, WY. For one year from last night, I will dance every time I get a chance.
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder You get your fill to eat But always keep that hunger May you never take one single breath for granted God forbid love ever leave you empty handed I hope you still feel small When you stand beside the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance I hope you dance
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance Never settle for the path of least resistance Living might mean taking chances But they're worth taking Lovin' might be a mistake But it's worth making Don't let some hell bent heart Leave you bitter When you come close to selling out Reconsider Give the heavens above More than just a passing glance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always) I hope you dance (Rolling us along) I hope you dance (Tell me who) I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) (Where those years have gone)
I hope you still feel small When you stand beside the ocean Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance Dance I hope you dance I hope you dance (Time is a real and constant motion always) I hope you dance (Rolling us along) I hope you dance (Tell me who) (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) I hope you dance (Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who) I hope you dance (Wants to look back on their youth and wonder) (Where those years have gone)
I was going to say no one would want mine, but I realise that is not true. Many students have asked me to write in their autograph books. And I have had my share of writing "Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.." in the autograph books of classmates when I was 10 or 12. Do any of these classmates and students keep these autographs I wonder. And what significance does it hold for them?
Yesterday J and I attended a Writing Seminar conducted by Philip Yancey and at the end of the morning I stood debating with myself whether I should stand in line to get his autograph on a copy of his book. By the time I decided, I was second last at the end of a long line.
A number of things intrigued me - why did I feel a desire to have this man's signature on the front page of my book? After all, he did little more than sign his name, and his name was already on the book anyway! If he had written a special note (eg "To dear Vara, my ardent admirer"), I could understand. That would have made the experience special and the book would have been accorded special status because it was distinguished from the other thousands of copies of the book on book shelves and in stores every where. Yet, I knew when I stood in line that he would not.
Did I want Yancey's autograph because he was famous? Wouldn't that make wanting to get Yancey's autograph a form of idolatry? Was I making him out to be a larger-than-life figure? That would ironically be undermining his testimony because his books were intended to point me to God and not himself.
And what about the self-consciousness I felt? Why this feeling that People would smile to themselves if they saw me standing in line? That somehow by getting up and walking out of the auditorium they were displaying superior attitudes to those of us who stood there clutching our copies of Yancey books, waiting for our 30 seconds of proximity to greatness.
A friend messaged me to ask where I was and I told him I was contemplating standing in line for an autograph. "Interesting" came the reply. "I have never done that before." I replied "Me neither." But in the cab home I realised I had. I have 3 autographs in my possession. The first was the autograph of an Indian actor, Kamalahasan, whom I bumped into in CK Tang's in 1978. The second from Joyce Huggett (who wrote 'Listening to God') and the third from Paula Rutherford (who revitalised my teaching with The Skilful Teacher workshops in 1996). I had not, however, stood in line for any of these other 3 autographs. And of the 3, I no longer have the same breathless, adolescent adoration for Kamalahasan I once had. Joyce Huggett and Paula Rutherford, I still admire, for they both touched me personally with their work.
So perhaps, that's what drew me. The sense that through this person's life work, he had impacted me. And I wanted a sign, an acknowledgement that somehow we had connected. A small sign - his name, not in print, but in his own hand, that reminds me that one morning in May, I had been inspired to write, by this man, who had devoted his life to "building his faith, word by word". Maybe when we ask for autographs we just want to remember again, a moment that meant something to us.
At my 50th birthday party in Nov 2007, I gave a speech in which I gave thanks to God for being in my life when I had a ‘train wreck’ in 1993. And I want to give thanks again for God’s presence in my life at this point when I again face a ‘train wreck’.
God is the strength of my heart, the song on my lips, the hope in my every morning. He is my faithful friend, my counselor, my consoler. He knows who I really am, no matter what anyone says or thinks and He tells me he loves me over and over and over again, no matter how many times I ask him. He blesses me, he protects me, He provides for me. Because I have God, I have everything.
"You O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns darkness into light. With Your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall."
Psalm 18: 28 - 29
I fear nothing. I have all I need. Because I have God.
