My Pride

I got to thinking about my daughters today and wondered when I was most proud of each of them. 

I remember being proud of J when we were all at the Changi chalet for our then-annual family holiday with the extended family. I don't know how the conversation got to the topic of mobile phones. It was a sore point with J because she wanted a mobile phone and was among the few (perhaps even the only one) in her class who did not have one. My rule was that she could have a mobile phone when she was 17, in Junior College. I can't remember why I had that rule. It was the 90s, mobile phones seemed like the newest distractions and I had decided that she could not have one. 

I remember we were sitting in a circle and she again asked for one and I became angry because she was challenging my rule in public. Her cousin actually said, "Why do you even need permission? Just go get yourself one!" And I was shocked. But my harshness was directed at J because I did not like my rule being questioned. J was embarrassed and she ran off crying. The topic of conversation turned to something else but I couldn't sit there. I felt sorry I had hurt my daughter. Yet I was also angry. Then I remembered what her cousin had said - it was true. She could have gone behind my back and bought a mobile. She could have asked her dad. If she had really wanted to, she could have gotten herself a mobile despite me. But she hadn't. She was 16 years old. Yet she had obeyed. That was the moment I remember about J. And what makes me proud of her is her innate sense of integrity. That she keeps her word. She would rather go without than cheat. 

What makes me proud of R is her tenacity. It started out as stubbornness, but she has a steel inside her that makes me wonder sometimes. I remember she was 8 years old and she had been registered for a singing competition by her Tamil teacher. It was an inter-school competition. R had no proper training and she had rehearsed a song with her dad. On the Saturday morning of the competition we sauntered into the classroom where the competition was and I was shocked by the intensity of the competition. The children there were practicing, some of them even singing ragas with their mothers. I was sure R was no match for them. One child after another began to sing and it soon became clear that the song R had picked was a very popular one. I felt really bad because the others obviously had classical song training and I just wanted to take my baby and go home. Then it was her turn and she stepped up and began to sing a song she had not rehearsed at all! I waved at her frantically thinking she had mixed up her songs but she gave a dismissive wave as if to say "I've got this" and proceeded. When she came back to us I asked her what had happened and she said that when child after child sang the song she had prepared, she had decided that she would just sing something else so that it wasn't so boring. She didn't win that competition, but I learnt something about my child that day. It would take a lot to faze her! I was so proud of that 8-year old I could cry.

My daughters are my blessings. I have made mistakes, punished them perhaps wrongly at times, taken out my anger on them. But they are gems. They are strong, trustworthy, generous and loving. If it were true that God opens a window when He closes a door, my daughters are the windows God opened for me.