In the Valley

It has been a hard 2 weeks for me. On 22 Jun I started having sores on my tongue which I thought at first was an allergic reaction to the new toothpaste I had bought. So I just put up with it, changed back to my usual toothpaste brand and thought the sores would go away. They didn't. Instead I started to get more and more of them till by Fri 26 Jun my tongue was swollen and I could hardly talk or eat. The following evening I developed a fever and that was when I decided I should go see a doctor.

So on Sunday, almost a week after I started getting the sores on my tongue I finally see the GP and he says it was not an allergy but an infection and sent me home with antibiotics and a day's medical leave. The next morning I woke up to find the left side of my face swollen and the right side of the face drooping! My first thought was - I have had a stroke! So back to the GP I went and this time another doctor was on duty. She told me I had Bell's Palsy and gave me a strong dose of steroids and said I had to see a neurologist within 48 hrs.

So on Tues 30 Jun I saw a neurologist who has finally diagnosed my illness as Ramsay Hunt Syndrome which is a herpes viral infection caused probably by the dormant chicken pox virus in me. Some people get shingles. I have been on medical leave since then and going for my review with the neurologist tomorrow afternoon.

How has it been, these 2 weeks? I have alternated between despair and strength. And I think, there has been more strength. God has been truly gracious to me. R was back by the time the drame started and she was a huge help during the weekend when I was at my worst. The facial paralysis was very hard to take and I felt self-conscious and scared that it was going to be permanent. It was difficult to speak clearly for 2 days when my words were slurred and my imagination went wild thinking things like - how will I teach again? :)

But I also felt really supported by the prayer of my friends and family. Often, feelings of despair would be followed almost immediately by a sense of assurance and peace. I am thankful God directed me to an alert GP, that the neurologist I saw was experienced and unfazed and did not order unnecessary scans and tests as even just that one consultation already cost me $400 in consultation fees and medication. I am thankful that the facial paralysis is lessening and the droop doesn't seem as obvious now as it did last week. I am thankful my boss and office colleagues have been really supportive in covering work for me. I am thankful for my sisters-in-Christ who have prayed for me and encouraged me.

So what now? I don't know. I am still easily tired. And my hearing is affected. I have a ringing in one ear and all sounds are amplified and this is making me feel imbalanced so I feel fragile, as if I can't trust myself to carry even a mug of tea and walk from the kitchen to the living room. We are supposed to be flying on Friday to London to attend my sister's 60th birthday dinner and my niece's wedding. I am not sure if I can make the trip. If I don't go, my sister and my daughetrs are not likely to want to go either and that could potentially cost me $6000. Maybe I could get a doctor's letter and claim from my travel insurance, I don't know..... I feel bad that I have not been at work for a week and that I would be flying off to London too....

So right now, I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Like I was telling J and R this evening, it is a bit freaky that my travel plans this year are all being de-railed or 'spoilt' in some way or another. But I am in a good place inside of myself. Maybe this is my desert experience, maybe it is my valley time, maybe it is enforced rest. But this too I will accept from the hand of my Lord and my God because I know He is good. His ways are perfect and though I may not understand all the things He has planned for me, in Him I trust.

Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Saviour.

(Hab 3: 17 - 18)

May God bring me to this place.