Contemplating, Considering....

I am thinking about going on a Holy Land Tour. It is a trip I have been wanting to take for a long time. My friend, Dot, and I almost went last year but the trip got postponed because the organisers had left booking the air tickets too late. Now another opportunity has opened up with a group from the Singapore Bible College. Should I go?

My heart says, yes. My head says, you have got to be kidding me.

My sister Su said, go. Because she postponed a trip to Trinidad and missed the chance to see her good friend before she died. My bank account protests and pleads with me to be a responsible mum. My best friend says, go - you promised me that for one year you will not sit out and that you will dance. My body says, 14 days of touring? are you up to it? The voice of Ms Not-good-enough says, you aren't in a good enough place with God to walk where He walked. But the voice of Ms Child-of-God says, what utter rubbish, when did Jesus ever say that?

In London

I thought last year had been a year of much travelling but this year has turned out to be just as mad. This month especially, I have felt quite disoriented because I literally moved my clothes out of one suitcase into another. I was in Depok, Indonesia for a conference til Fri 9 Jul, then moved into an overnight bag for my weekend in Bintan with the girls on 10 Jul, and then into a bigger suitcase for my trip to London on 15 Jul.

I feel out of touch with what is going on at office and am quite ready right now for the routine and normalcy of the work week. Makes me wonder - would I chafe if I were to retire? I keep talking fondly of looking forward to retirement, but sometimes, I am not so sure I would enjoy days of nothing but leisure. And there is quite a bit of truth, I have discovered, in Paul's words in 1 Tim 5:13 - talking of the idle women in church he said "And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not" . Hahahaha. This I must not become :)

So what have I been up to in London? There was the baptism of my newest grand-niece, Marisha...



Catching up with family...



Great Quiet Times at Maya's dining table with this lovely reminder of God's creation...



Many cups of cappucino (skinny!), many many slices of Maya's chocolate cake.... Watched a movie (Inception) that messed with my mind in an exciting way... Watched a play (War Horse) that was a technical wizardry where the life sized horse puppets outshone the human actors hands down... .

And celebrated my niece Vidhya's first wedding anniversary at a fantastic Italian restaurant... To think it has been a year already since I last was here for my sister Su's 60th birthday and Vidhya's wedding!



So here I am, going to pack in a bit, getting ready to go home. I pray I will have as enjoyable a flight back as I did coming here. I pray I don't get another kiss-y couple in the seats next to me! Pray all the babies will sleep. Oh yeah - pray for journey mercies :)

On Christ the Solid Rock I Stand

Conference in Jakarta

So here I am blogging from a university town called Depok, about an hour's drive from Jakarta. The traffic chaos I had experienced on my last trip into this city is still fresh on my mind, and of course, nothing has changed.

I am here on an official trip this time, attending a conference with other delegates from South East Asian countries. There are 4 of us in the Singapore delegation. Mostly we feel like frauds because we don't have even a fraction of the problems that the other countries face. The focus of this seminar is on how marginalised minorities in some SEAsian countries can be helped to access mainstream education. These marginalised minorities usually speak a different language from that used in the schools and therefore the children who do not speak the mainstream language find it difficult to cope in school and drop out early. This leads to succeeding generations being trapped in the same economic state and unable to progress because their mother tongue isn't the language of education.

Anyway, I must say that, thankfully, the colleagues I am travelling with are a crazy bunch, so we have kept each other in stitches. We raced off to shop and eat the first day we got here before the conference started and booked our massages ;)



The conference started yesterday and I must say we were taken aback by the way the room was set up. I felt like I was a UN delegate, what with the Singapore flag on my table and all.



That look on my face is nervousness - in case we were asked to share our country's experiences with Multi Lingual education ;)

Here we are with the delegation from Malaysia...



And flying our national colours... We almost ended up posing with the Indonesian flag though because they are so similar!

Fruit of the Spirit

I felt challenged today to examine the presence of fruit of the Spirit in my life.

Paul says in Galatians 5: 22 – 23 that “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

God knows I struggle with all of them! It is easy to let my eye pass over the words, and agree, yes, they all are admirable traits. But wait, I say to myself. If God is within me, then I should be exhibiting these characteristics. They would be the “fruit” – the result of the Spirit’s work within me. And like a tree bears fruit – naturally, effortlessly, abundantly – my life should exhibit these characteristics as well.

Yet I know, if I am honest with myself, that I have struggled (and continue to struggle) with each of these characteristics at different times. How to love, when I am not loved back? How to rejoice when there is overwhelming sorrow? How do I keep peace when I want to retort with anger and bitterness? I have little success I think with the rest as well. To wait when there is little hope or sign of change? To be kind when the instinct is to be distant? To be good? O Lord, who other than you is good? My fickleness in abandoning God when I give way to temptation… Gentleness? I hear my students laugh. And above all – self control? Sigh…. Not even close.

But I take comfort in knowing I am but a ‘Work in Progress’. That in God's eyes I am being made perfect, one day at a time, one trial at a time. I am not yet all that I was created to be. One day, I will be.

Don't Settle!

"Sometimes life's going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love, and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work, and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking, and don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it, and like any great relationship it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking. Don't settle."

- Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Address, 2005

It's a Matter of How You Look at It

"The past cannot be changed. What is done is done. But the perception of the past can be modified. You can hang on to the anger and the memories that keep on destroying life day in and day out OR you can be set free to live one day at a time. You can help heal the past with humour by enlarging your perspective, dropping your fears, and seeing many of the hurting incidents of the past as the ridiculous anecdotes they really are. You can laugh today because you did all your crying yesterday."

- Anonymous
http://www.learnwell.org/laugh.htm

Filling in the Missing Bits

Wow! Has it been 3 weeks already since I last posted? No wonder my teacher friends are moaning about the June holidays coming to an end! It seems like June just started!

Well, what has happened since my solo spa holiday? Two events stand out - the Pastoral Care Ministry Retreat that I went on and my Hong Kong escapade with my friends. I will post about my HK trip when I have got all the pics together since most of the pics involving me are in my friends' cameras :)

I went on a one day retreat organised by the Pastoral Care Ministry of my church. The theme was 'Dreamwork' - how we could make meaning of dreams, especially recurring ones. I admit I was quite sceptical before I started and it seemed like a strange theme for a church sponsored retreat. But I came away with new insights. Dream interpretation is solidly rooted in the Bible. The dreams of Jacob and Joseph, the dream interpretations done by Joseph and Daniel , the assurance that Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus, was given in a dream ,all point to the fact that God uses divine dreams to guide us and speak to us.

I had not paid much attention to this aspect of spiritual direction before and I found that the retreat expanded my sense of how God speaks to us. I also had the precious experience of having a dream that had haunted me for 4 years being interpreted. I had this dream sometime in 2006, and although 2 others had interpreted the dream for me, their explanations had not sat well with me. As the retreat director said, when the dream is interpreted as God's intended message for you, you would feel a 'tingle' - "the inner knowledge that something is true and on-the-case". At this retreat, I had the opportunity to try and unpack the dream for myself and felt this "tingle".

So this has been something I have been turning over in my mind... The retreat director said the dream might not have made sense at the time I dreamt it but that God sometimes gives us dreams that point the way and He reveals things in His time. And I think it is no coincidence that this dream makes sense to me only now. I admit, I am intrigued.

My Solo Spa Holiday: Day 1

I have so much to tell you about my wonderful weekend retreat to Javana Spa Resort. I went for a 3D2N trip over the Vesak Day weekend to this resort that is set on a hill. Believe it or not, I first read about this spa in Her World in 1998 and I have been wanting to go there ever since. But money was tight and it wasn't exactly a place one can take children to, so the trip did not become a reality. Till now.

When it turned out that J was not going to be back from the US and K was going home for the summer and I was going to be alone for the long weekend, I decided it would be a perfect opportunity to put into effect my new goal - if I have to choose between sitting it out or dance, I will choose to dance! So I booked myself into the Javana Spa Resort...

Day 1: Fri 28 May 2010

Well, the first day, frankly, was awful.

I had been booked on a 7.00am flight on Garuda ( I hope never to fly it again!) so I had to leave home at 4.50am to be in time for check in. Learning point - never let travel agents book you in flights leaving before 8.30am or you will spend a fortune in taxi fare to the airport because the midnight charges are in effect till 6.00am!

Well, to be fair, my trip started nicely enough - I got a cab, got in time to the airport, checking in was a breeze, I had a leisurely breakfast at Starbucks....mmmm. The flight to Jakarta lasted an hour. As Jakarta is an hour behind us, I landed at 8.00am. I sailed through immigration as well and waiting at the arrival gate was the Javana Spa rep with a placard. Then started the first of my irritances. I was told I had to wait 20 minutes for another party of 6 women who were also going to Javana but were on another flight. I ended up waiting 50 minutes. They were in an SIA flight which carried far more passengers and consequently took far longer at immigration.

But that ended up being the shortest of waits that day. I was wondering why the Javana rep was so edgy while waiting for the group to arrive and soon enough I learnt the reason... The traffic was horrendous! What was described as a 2 1/2 hour ride took us 5 hours!!!! The traffic literally crawled. In fact the traffic was moving so slowly on the expressway that scores of children were walking around hawking drinks and snacks.



The kids were all lined up along the expressway and some of them lugged cartons of mineral water, fruit baskets, keropok down from what appeared to be a kampung inside the thick vegetation. It was then that i realised this traffic jam must be a regular affair!

By the time we got to the spa I was hot, tired, sore-bottomed, frazzled and definitely in a foul mood. But the spa staff was wonderful. They made soothing noises, clucked at the traffic and the heat and promised us that we would soon feel relaxed, now that we were at Javana...

I had a prettily laid out lunch with a really cold glass of water-melon juice. See those breadsticks? They undid all the effects of the spa food. Lethal.



My first experience of eating alone was not pleasant. Strangely, I felt exposed. This surprised me because I have spent many hours in HV Starbucks or Coffee Club by myself and all I had needed was coffee and a book. Yet on this holiday, that I was dining alone seemed to stand out. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that Javana had few amenities , with no internet, no phone, no TV and nowhere to go other than round the compound. So almost everyone was there either in a group or as a couple. I'm sure many of the guests must have been puzzled about my solo visit to a place where there was little to do except talk and read.

Anyway, I found day meals easier to handle than the evening meals, maybe because of the ducks. This was the outdoor table that was my refuge and if you look closely behind me you will see my dining companions :)



Well, after lunch I was shown to my room....


... a king-sized bed with french windows that opened out to this view...



But I was freaked out. Because before the manager opened the door of the room, he rang the doorbell. To warn the spirits.... Aaaagh!!! The moment I closed the door behind him I dropped my bag and prayed over the room!!! Made sure the Holy Spirit was the only spirit occupying my room that night!

Because we had arrived so late, I missed the afternoon nature hike, but I had the first of my 3 massages that afternoon.... blissssss.... The massages were the most indulgent part of my trip. A massage every day.... But after the massage the day went downhill.

At 6.30 they served mocktails by a fireside. I walked into the lounge and felt like I was back in the school canteen, with all the benches full and no one making space for me. I walked straight through the lounge, out to the lobby and circled back to my room again. I sat and read for half hour then ventured to the dining room and sat at the table by myself and felt the first wave of loneliness.

I don't even remember what I ate the first night of my solo holiday. I kept my eyes glued on my book, smiled at the waiter, and when dinner ended (at 8!) I went back to my room and cried. I prayed and wrote in my journal and harangued God and had a full blown pity party for myself, saying over and over again I shouldn't have come, I should have found stuff to do in Singapore (visit my sister, clean the house, finish up office work, shop, watch movies) and asking God how was I going to survive another 2 days.... The silence was the deepest I have ever experienced. I think I would have even welcomed the sound of the cicak that I hate. I finally fell asleep.

The next morning, I danced with God.

My Solo Spa Holiday : Day 2

Day 2: Sat 29 May 2010
My second day began with a loud knock on my door - a knock guaranteed to wake up even the soundest of sleepers with a start - at 5.30 am! Thankfully that meant it was 6.30 am in Singapore and that wasn't too early for me (plus I had slept really early the previous night...).

This was the sight that greeted us as we gathered to set off for our first activity of the day - a hike to Waterfall Nombor Dua (No. 2). What I really wanted was a cup of coffee. What we got was herbal tea. Sigh.

Well, I was pretty excited about the hike really. I had stopped exercising for a while and I must say the hike has in a way jump-started my exercising again. The hike was a great ice-breaker and by the time we reached the waterfall half an hour later, I had 6 friends - 2 Indonesian men who belonged to the same sports club abd travelled together, a Japanese couple (and the husband looked like Ng Eng Hen, I swear) and a gay couple, one of whom had lived in Singapore for a few years before. They all had one thing in common - at various times they all either caught me when I slipped, or helped me over tricky bits :)

The highlight of my second day came at the end of this trek -Waterfall No. 2. The manager had encouraged us to wear our swimsuits under our trackpants for the trek so we could swim in the waterfall. I was very very sure I was not going to put my feet into the freezing water let alone get into the pool, but I wore my swim suit anyway. And I am so glad I did! Because when we reached the beautiful waterfall, I stood there on the edge of the pool, watching some people jump in, screaming because of the cold, and remembered, dear Wai Yin, my promise that if I had to choose to sit it out or dance, I will dance.

So I danced....







The water was freeezing, but this was the highlight of my holiday - the time I decided to get in and walk through the waterfall!!! I really thought I was going to drown and I couldn't see anything because of all the water pouring down on me. But I had a great sense of accomplishment. The feeling is indescribable. And when we got out of the pool, the guide had towels and steaming cups of ginger tea waiting for us! It was easily the best ginger tea I have ever had :)

When we got back, it was past 7 am and we had breakfast. Each day, a staff would plan my day's programme for me and give it to me at breakfast. My second day's programme included an aerobics class (a fantatstic aerobics instructor! How I wish he was teaching in Singapore and not Javana...), another massage (mmmm), a pedicure with foot reflexology and an exercise class called 'Below the Belt' (well you can guess what areas were targetted in the class).

I also went on a nature appreciation walk...





and that sums up my second day at Javana.

Dinner that second night was a much more pleasant affair. The morning hike had broken the ice and when I walked into the dining room, the group of Indonesians who had helped me in the pool waved me over to join them and though I had a hard time following the conversation at the table (because they spoke Bahasa Indonesia), I was grateful for the friendship.

Sleep came easy....