A Morning with Philip Yancey

Why do we ask for autographs?

I was going to say no one would want mine, but I realise that is not true. Many students have asked me to write in their autograph books. And I have had my share of writing "Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.." in the autograph books of classmates when I was 10 or 12. Do any of these classmates and students keep these autographs I wonder. And what significance does it hold for them?

Yesterday J and I attended a Writing Seminar conducted by Philip Yancey and at the end of the morning I stood debating with myself whether I should stand in line to get his autograph on a copy of his book. By the time I decided, I was second last at the end of a long line.

A number of things intrigued me - why did I feel a desire to have this man's signature on the front page of my book? After all, he did little more than sign his name, and his name was already on the book anyway! If he had written a special note (eg "To dear Vara, my ardent admirer"), I could understand. That would have made the experience special and the book would have been accorded special status because it was distinguished from the other thousands of copies of the book on book shelves and in stores every where. Yet, I knew when I stood in line that he would not.

Did I want Yancey's autograph because he was famous? Wouldn't that make wanting to get Yancey's autograph a form of idolatry? Was I making him out to be a larger-than-life figure? That would ironically be undermining his testimony because his books were intended to point me to God and not himself.

And what about the self-consciousness I felt? Why this feeling that People would smile to themselves if they saw me standing in line? That somehow by getting up and walking out of the auditorium they were displaying superior attitudes to those of us who stood there clutching our copies of Yancey books, waiting for our 30 seconds of proximity to greatness.

A friend messaged me to ask where I was and I told him I was contemplating standing in line for an autograph. "Interesting" came the reply. "I have never done that before." I replied "Me neither." But in the cab home I realised I had. I have 3 autographs in my possession. The first was the autograph of an Indian actor, Kamalahasan, whom I bumped into in CK Tang's in 1978. The second from Joyce Huggett (who wrote 'Listening to God') and the third from Paula Rutherford (who revitalised my teaching with The Skilful Teacher workshops in 1996). I had not, however, stood in line for any of these other 3 autographs. And of the 3, I no longer have the same breathless, adolescent adoration for Kamalahasan I once had. Joyce Huggett and Paula Rutherford, I still admire, for they both touched me personally with their work.

So perhaps, that's what drew me. The sense that through this person's life work, he had impacted me. And I wanted a sign, an acknowledgement that somehow we had connected. A small sign - his name, not in print, but in his own hand, that reminds me that one morning in May, I had been inspired to write, by this man, who had devoted his life to "building his faith, word by word". Maybe when we ask for autographs we just want to remember again, a moment that meant something to us.

All is Well

At my 50th birthday party in Nov 2007, I gave a speech in which I gave thanks to God for being in my life when I had a ‘train wreck’ in 1993. And I want to give thanks again for God’s presence in my life at this point when I again face a ‘train wreck’.


God is the strength of my heart, the song on my lips, the hope in my every morning. He is my faithful friend, my counselor, my consoler. He knows who I really am, no matter what anyone says or thinks and He tells me he loves me over and over and over again, no matter how many times I ask him. He blesses me, he protects me, He provides for me. Because I have God, I have everything.

"You O Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns darkness into light.
With Your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall."

Psalm 18: 28 - 29

I fear nothing. I have all I need. Because I have God.

"You Raise Me Up" - like you have never heard it before

I can't believe it took me so long to discover Anita Renfroe!I heard her 'Momsense' when J sent me a link a few years ago but since discovering her "All the Wrinkled Ladies" I have been stalking her on YouTube :) A woman of God with a great sense of humour! She cracks me up and I think you have to be ahem a 'certain age' before you get the importance of singing an ode to your underwear :)

"All the Wrinkled Ladies"!

I LOVE this song!!!! Hahahaha...

Back from Melbourne

Sooo... I am back! I left on 31 March for a conference in Melbourne and came back on 12 Apr so that accounts for my long silence.

It was a good trip. I actually managed to spend 12 days in Melbourne with just 2 days of vacation leave because I could take conference leave for the days of the actual conference and the Easter weekend gave me a few extra days as well. I love it!

I stayed with my nephew's family and spent time catching up with my grand nephew and grand niece. R was on Easter hols so I got to spend time with her as well. Also met up with old friends Neena and Bee. Drank many cappucinos. Met old friends Pushpa and Ganesh, sadly didn't spend as much time with their children as I would have liked. Ate many chocolates. Visited a church that met in the sports hall of a school and had the strange experience of seeing a basketball hoop every time I raised my eyes to worship. Went on a hyped up, overpriced Hangman's Tour of the Old Melbourne Gaol - do not, do not waste your money on this if you are ever in Melbourne. Also did a day trip to Mornington Peninsula with my nephew's family and wandered around a maze which made me err.... a little claustrophobic... just a little :)

The Conference was a little bit of a disappointment. The quality of presentations was uneven and it appears as if the schools were all at different levels of competency where the infusion of ITC is concerned. But it was still a learning experience and I particularly enjoyed the school visits we made as it is not easy to get to visit schools.

All things considered, I had a good time. The past month has been a trying one for me on the home front and the trip to Melbourne gave me a chance to get away and rest. The time I spent with family and friends also left me feeling loved and supported. In the end, this is what matters - the people I love and who love me back.

A Taxi Conversation

I went to visit my sister in Sembawang this evening. That essentially means 2 long taxi rides that cost me $30.00 in total. These visits to my sister are almost always the only times I wish I could drive... The MRT ride from where I live to Sembawang takes a little more than an hour and after that I would still need to get a cab or ask my nephew for a ride, so all in, it takes close to 2 hours just to get there! So, yes, call me a spoilt Singaporean if you will, but when I decide to go visit my sister, I take a cab. Both ways. Sometimes, money isn't every thing :)

So, today, I had 2 interesting conversations with the taxi drivers who took me there and back. The first one who drove me to Sembawang regaled me with stories centred around the theme "People are ungrateful and don't remember the good you have done for them". This involved various cousins and their families who had availed themselves of his services as a 'caster out of black magic spells' yet now did not want to have anything to do with him. While the tales of different cousins and the troubles they had gotten into and that he had rescued them from were entertaining, after the 4th story, I kind of got the picture. He was not just a taxi driver, he was a misunderstood saint. I was also suitably impressed by his insistence that he found Indians the best of all and unlike many other taxi drivers, he was NOT a racist :)

The driver who drove me back from Sembabwang to home, was a different personality altogether. I arrived at Dover with immense respect for the man. He spoke very well and it turned out that he had retired and was sharing the taxi with 3 other retired men who were all no longer dependent on the income from their driving. This gentleman said at 17 years of age he set himslef goals; he had worked as a crane operator in the Middle East drawing $7000.00 a month, volunteered to be retrenched during the 1987 economic crisis and returned to Singapore with a golden handshake worth $250,000.00. He has 2 children who are both aircraft technicians living in Australia, he has 2 grandchildren there and every 6 months he hangs up his car keys and travels to spend time with his children. He owns 3 houses in Johore Bahru, his flat in Singapore is fully paid up, he has no debts, his children give his wife $4000.00 a month which she saves for herself. The picture seemed similar for the other 2 men he shared the cab with - one had 2 houses in KL, the other had a bungalow in Malacca and they had all fully paid up mortgages on their HDB flats! I am truly full of respect for this man.

This taxi driver said when he was 17 he decided he would live by one main value - Discipline. As a result he said there were 5 Principles he lived by:

1. Not to be a 'coffee shop cabbie' (meaning he would put in the hours on the road and not idle at coffee shops during his shift)
2. No drinking
3. No smoking
4. No gambling
5. No womanising

He said by living in this way, he had a happy home, his children respected him, his wife was contented, he wasted neither time nor money and he had peace of mind. It seemed like a simple and maybe even a trite formula, but what I was hearing was a man who had lived his life well and was enjoying the fruits of his labour. It is a life to be emulated.

Where I Am

"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."

- Soren Kierkegaard

For all that has been, Lord, thanks. For all that is to come, Lord, yes.

Back from Travels

Soooo.... who missed me??? :) I'm back from a 10 day work trip to San Francisco and Vancouver. Like my gmail status proclaimed, I didn't want to go. I hated giving up my schedule (I had a CYAN retreat planned, there was the ICTLT Conference that I had registered for), I hated rushing around getting stuff for the trip (winter wear, boots, office wear....), I hated the thought of travelling with strangers, I wished I had more time to settle my household (pay the bills, stock the fridge... ). And most of all, I dreaded the winter. You see, I get really sad in winter. The day is grey, it gets dark by 4pm, it is so very cold and just to pop out and get a sandwich I have to put on layers of clothes and I feel miserable. I was also wary of the planned itinerary - it was a young person's itinerary, 3 cities in 8 days. I felt tired just reading it.

But yet again, God has taught me a lesson and I realise I need to go with the flow and stop resisting change. Schedules make me comfortable, predictability is safe. But maybe that attitude is shutting me off from exciting new opportunities. Maybe it is time to take some risks. Not foolhardy risks but risk trusting God to care enough about me, risk trusting that God means it when He says He is holding my right hand.

The verse He gave me was Isaiah 40: 29 - 31, a verse that Brandon shared on at CYAN. And it was assurance from God that He knows where I was, what I was feeling, what I was scared of. That He will give me the strength for the journey, that He was in charge. And that is what came to pass. The itinerary was changed a week before we left to just 2 cities, the weather was so mild that I used the bulky parka I bought only twice, the people I travelled with were extremely kind, the interview panel I sat on clicked and we were amazingly in synch in selecting candidates,the SIA flights were so well timed that I am hardly jetlagged. It was a good trip.

And what was the best bit of the trip for me? This - my hotel room...

I had an amazingly beautiful room to myself in San Francisco and Vancouver! And I loved having a king sized bed all to myself with soft sheets, warm quilt, comfortable pillows... It was the best 4 nights I had ever spent in a hotel. And in Vancouver I had the view of a lake from my window... Very shallow, I know, but I loved the sheer creature comfort of it all.

And the saddest? That it was too cold for me to eat the ice cream.....

So, now, I am back in Singapore. It will be work again on Monday. The predictability I had longed for will be back, I will be in synch with my diary again. But I am already looking forward to my next trip - Melbourne, 1 - 12 April....

Wisdom

"We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is within it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one any more."

~ Mark Twain

Not-So-Simple-Rule #7: Ghosts of the Past Don't Stay in the Past

Remember that song by The Backstreet Boys which went

" I don't care who you are

Where you're from

What you did

As long as you love me.."

This song exasperated me soooo much! But whenever I opened my mouth to comment R used to roll her eyes. (Well she still rolls her eyes at me now, but that is another story....)

You see, my daughters, what this song suggests is that the only time that matters is NOW. Only the present matters, only how you feel about me now matters. And that as long as there is love, then nothing else matters either. This works out fine in movies and songs, but in real life, you will find, my daughters, that who he was, where he came from and what he did matters a great deal!

Every life experience we have marks us in some way. Life experiences can change a person for the better or worse, entrench attitudes and values in a person, influence the decisions he makes, create situations that would have consequences later and generally form a pattern that informs the person's present life. And it would be foolish of you to ignore the past of the man you date.

Asking questions about your date's past can be a very difficult thing to do. It makes you sound like you are prying and being judgemental. Your date might ask you if you can't accept him the way he is. All of this will make it really awkward and you might be tempted to say you would just let sleeping dogs lie and to look to the future rather than the past. Difficult as it may be, this is one conversation you need to have.

If your date had serious relationships in the past - if he was married before (God forbid!), if he had a long-term relationship of any sort - you need to know and you need to ask how and why it ended. Past relationships will tell you a great deal about the man you are thinking of dating. You need to know why and how the other relationship ended; you need to know what his ex said when the relationship ended; and you need to know what he thinks of this past relationship. You see, my daughters, real life is not a 'Friends' episode. Men and women who have married or been in a long term relationship cannot wipe out the emotional entanglements and effects of the relationship and continue to be friends as if nothing had happended. While the desire to say 'let the past be past and let's start anew' would be very strong, it is important for you to know that the same things that went wrong in the past relationships could go wrong with you.

And, my daughters, if the man you date ever tells you he thinks he isn't good enough for you, stop and listen. Don't rush to console him or brush it aside or try to be magnanimous but stop and ask him why. Sometimes, when men tell you they aren't as "good" as you think they are, there is something there. No one knows his past like he himself does, obviously, and sometimes such statements are a 'test' to see how much you will accept. Sometimes it is a feeble attempt to 'come clean'. So before you brush it off as something that happened long ago or something that will not have an impact on your future, think. Because what he is telling you about his past may not be as paltry as he makes it out to be; and because 'small' transgressions have a way of becoming more exaggerated versions of themselves.

Just as you must not tolerate even the hint of violence in your dating relationship, you must not accept past peccadillos without asking yourself if it hints at a character flaw that could manifest itself again, this time in a way that could be painful for you. Because, my daughters, ghosts of the past don't conveniently stay in the past and I don't want the ones to be haunted to be you!