What Empty Nest???

To all those who ask me how I am coping without both my daughters I have to answer – very well, actually. Lest my darling daughters get upset, I have to clarify that I do miss you both dearly and I do miss Maya and Ro as well, but I am not in a deep funk about it. Yes, the ‘empty nest’ feels strange at times (and a big realisation that hit me was how much of the silences between my husband and me had been filled up by my children’s voices) and yes, I am looking forward to when my girls are home for the holidays, but I don’t spend my weekends twiddling my thumbs and crying. I attribute it to 3 reasons –being prepared, technology and God.

I think one reason really is that I had by chance hit on a useful strategy in parenting – I read ahead of the stages my children were in, instead of reading about the stages my children were in. This was by accident really, because I read so much while I was pregnant about the first trimester, second trimester etc that I got bored and started reading ahead. So by the time Jennani was born I was reading about toddler-hood and then early childhood etc. So by chance I had hit upon a way that kept me prepared for what was to come and when the challenges happened I wasn’t caught by surprise and I had time to mentally prepare myself for colic, temper tantrums, reading needs, adolescent needs etc.

So I saw this empty nest coming quite some time ago – round about the time the girls were in their teens and didn't come home straight after school :) Being emotionally and psychologically prepared for this season of parenting has helped me a great deal because I managed to do the one most painful thing about motherhood, letting go, a little bit more easily than I would have otherwise I think. So I started getting involved in other activities like exercise, serving with the youth in church, renewing friendships and most important of all, learning to enjoy the solitude of my own company.

Then there is the whole wonderful world of technology. I am in danger of becoming an addict, I think. And yes, I think the label that Praveen gave me (techno cavewoman) still lurks in the background somewhere but increasingly I'm exploring new stuff online that keeps me occupied for hours - even distracting me from this blog some days :) Then I have taken to watching movies by myself - a wonderful, liberating experience. I get to watch movies that I want to, without considering whether my husband would like it or whether it was suitable for my children (though now this is no longer a consideration as they are both above 18). So 2 Saturdays ago I watched 'Grace is Gone' and last Saturday I watched 'The Bucket List'. Both great movies that made me cry and very glad that I watched them as well. Then of course there is Skype! LAst week Jen, Rubhi and I managed a 3-party video conferencing thanks to a free website that Rubhi found and that was great! Yeah so between Blogspot, Gmail, Facebook, Skype and Web 2.0, I must say my evenings and weekends are full.... :)

Above all, what gives me the greatest peace is the time I spend with God. I am a born worrier and have always found something to worry about. But the choice to send Rubhi to Melbourne is undergirded by a strong sense of peace despite others' questions as to whether she is too young and whether I could afford it because I have a sure sense that this is God's plan for her and that He would provide. As I look back I can say with certainty that in each season of my life, God's guiding hand has been there even when I did not recognise it. And in this season, I feel drawn to spend more time studying the Bible and to spend time with the young people in the cell group I mentor. In fact, far from having lots of time and not knowing what to do, I still find there isn't enough time as there is so much to learn and so little time to do it in. Of course by divine design my home isn't technically empty as I have Johnson staying with me now and I must say that it is a unique experience having a young man staying with us.

So, yes, here I am on Saturday night, blogging. Just came back from a 3 hour workshop at church (hmmm... that too must have been part of God's plan - to have got us this flat which is a stone's throw from church because He knew I would need to get to it without driving :), watched 'Om Shanti Om' on tv and all is well on the western front! Yes!