In God's Waiting Room

Every now and then, things stop happening in my life and God puts me in His waiting room. Right now is one such time.

There are many ways to describe it; I used to think of it as being "in limbo". But yesterday, in a counselling course I attended, I was asked to define what "being in limbo" feels like. And I realised that "in limbo" does not accurately capture how I feel like now. Because being in limbo comes from the Roman Catholic theology that believes that "limbo" is where innocent souls like babies or virtuous people who lived before Christ came, live. "In limbo" also seems to imply some kind of neglect or confinement. And I realise that that is NOT how I feel. So I shall stop using that phrase.

I do not feel that I am waiting for the release of God's grace and mercy. I certainly do not feel that God is neglecting me. On the contrary I know that although God is silent right now, He is with me. Definitely with me, on my side, in God's Waiting Room.

It is not a comfortable place to be for me. Because I am by nature a scheduled person. I like to plan, I live by my calendar, I am an obsessive to-do list maker. So it is hard not knowing what to do next. Do I apply for Professional Development Leave? Do I do a course? Shall I opt for part time work and study? What work is there for me to do next year? There are no answers.

But I have been looking back at my journal, looking for what God has been speaking into my life. And this I know - He has grown me in this area of my life in a sure way. Where I used to fret, and plead and ask a hundred questions and ask for advice from anyone willing to listen, I now have learnt to be still and wait. The Waiting Room of God can be a frustrating place to be, but I am learning that God has been growing me in small, sure ways to come to a point of complete trust in Him. I have not reached that place yet. But I know He will keep me in this Waiting Room until I do. But He is sitting here with me, patiently.

Today, in church, I heard Him again. Pastor Laura shared a vision of a tunnel with a glimmer of light at the end though the light seems far away. And she spoke the same words I sensed in my heart - that God was asking me to trust Him,to not worry about the journey ahead, to accept just enough light for the step I am on, no more.

So that is where I am - in God's Waiting Room. Not in limbo, but held in His hands, listening in anticipation, trusting that God who loves me immeasureably more than my human mind can imagine, knows exactly what is there in my tomorrows.