Blues...

I have been struggling to be cheerful this past week. A number of things have gotten me down. Work is foremost. I am still adjusting to the changes in the office and somehow going to work has not been as fun this year. I miss Carol for the clear sense of direction she gave. This year I seem to have to find my own paths and that unsettles me. I miss Jeff for his sense of humour, his wisdom and I didn’t realise how much I miss Wah Jiam till I saw him at the workshop last week. I miss Saro for her quirkiness and the laughter. Sigh… I have come to the sad realisation that it is people who make the office and I have been happy these past 3 years because I enjoyed the company and not really because I enjoyed the work.

The workshop I conducted last week caused a lot of stress for me, because I did not feel we had prepared as much as we should have. I just feel that if Carol and Jeff had been around we would have done a more thorough job with the workshop. But I guess it was an experience we had to go through and maybe our preparations for the next one would be better. It didn’t help that my TESOL Module 2 exam is this week. I feel sorely unprepared for it, but I’m working on it now and I think I should be ready.

Physically, I have felt quite drained as well. I have developed a tennis elbow (!) and cooking is becoming a painful activity on some days. Some days it is fine and some days it hurts and I am not sure what I should do about it as there doesn’t seem to be any long term solution for it. I think my body is just slowing down – back aches, knees ache, heel aches and now elbow aches. Even the exam is a problem because I discovered during the last exam that I can’t write as fast as I used to be able to and I just have to stop and rest my hand.

Time to remind myself of my favourite verse – “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you…” (Isaiah 46:4). I have taken a half day off tomorrow before my exam in the evening & I’m just going to REST!