Updated Blog

Hmmm. I have waited a while to let the bugs settle but I have now updated the editor on my blog. One big difference is that now I have transliteration in Tamil :) I haven't figured out how that works yet but that sure adds to the fun of blogging :) The other big difference I appreciate is that it is supposed to be easier to upload multiple photos now and the line spacing is more even as well.But if you see my blog acting crazy in any way, let me know ok?

It Takes a Village

I read today about a book called The Council of Dads by Bruce Feiler. It is about a young dad who is diagnosed with cancer and decides to rope in 6 of his friends to be 'dads' to his daughters in his absence. The concept touched me.

I have often felt parenting is a tough job and especially hard to do alone. Yet, it is very difficult to find like-minded people who share your values, philosophy and faith whom you can trust to help you with this important job. It also takes a special breed of friends who would agree to look out for your children as well as their own. This is especially so in Singapore where many parents struggle to make time for their own children and balance the demands of career and family.

Yet, I am convinced of the wisdom of having a council of dads or a council of mums. There is an African proverb that says 'It takes a village to raise a child' and I tend to agree. Parenting is often a case of trial and error. You have never done this job before, you try to equip yourself for it by reading, talking to friends etc, but there will always be moments when you catch your breath and wonder - did I do that right? I would have liked to have had a village at these times.

I thought about the concept of a council of dads / mums for a while. But I came to the conclusion that Feiler was really very, very blessed to have 6 friends who readily accepted the responsibility he offered them and stepped up. I can only think of one - and a very, very busy one at that! It speaks first of all of the depth of his friendships. These are friendships cultivated over a long time and at a meaningful level. There must have been time and love invested in building up such friendships and I wonder whether in busy Singapore, there are men and women who value this and are able to do this. It also requires giving of oneself (on the part of the friends) and asking for help (on the part of Feiler) - both gestures of humility that I think are possible for many of us here only when the imminence of death is real.

Many times I have offered to baby-sit for young couples but I don't quite know what it is - an innate shyness, a fear of obligation, maybe a reluctance to accept a favour? - but no one has actually taken me up on the offer :) Maybe they just don't trust me :) With my family, I have tried to be involved in the lives of my nieces and nephews, and their children, but to varying degrees of success. Mostly my young grand-nephews and nieces live too far away for us to connect meaningfully. It is sad, but I also realise that only 1 of my sisters has the opportunity to see her grand-children daily as almost all of my nieces and nephews live abroad and one sister is even estranged from her sons.

So, I wonder what the future holds for me. Right now it looks like I might be doing long-distance grand-parenting too :)

A New Thing

Today I got contact lenses :) I have been thinking about getting them ever since I read about the new range of contact lenses available for presbyopia. I thought about getting the lens implant done but couldn't bring myself to try it so I have opted to try out contact lens first. I had the tests done and ordered the contact lenses before my Israel trip but I couldn't find the time to go to the optometrist before I left. I regretted it a great deal during the trip because I had to keep switching between my reading glasses and my sun glasses as it was blindingly hot yet I also had to refer to the guides and the Bible during the tour. So I ended up wearing my sun glasses on top of my reading glasses :) Yes, I bet I looked like a dork.

So today I went and got my lenses fitted :) They fit comfortably but my brain seems to have trouble adjusting to them so though I don't need my reading glasses now (I'm typing this without my glasses! Yay!), I can't see far objects clearly! I am supposed to try them for 2 weeks then go back to see if my brain has caught up with my eyes or whether I need a new pair of contacts. For now, it is pretty exciting though I keep reaching for my reading glasses automatically when I sit down at the computer or pick up something to read. Hahahaha. Old habits die hard.

Living to Tell the Tale

I think I might have to re-think my thoughts on being a solo traveller. I have just come back from a 2 week tour of Jordan and Israel that definitely stretched my physical capabilities to the max. I am exhausted. And very glad that I booked a 3D2N stay at Bintan next week. I seriously need recovery time. I am also very glad that J booked me 2 massage slots last weekend, on Sat and Sun, because I needed them both!!!

In all, I have mixed feelings about my tour. The highlights of the tour were the many things I learnt, and cliched as it sounds, the Bible has come alive to me in many ways, most of all in an understanding of the landscape and social setting of the times. We were blessed by a truly gifted local guide who is a Messianic Jew, rooted in a deep understanding of the Word that has inspired me. Unfortunately, I was not able to live on the Word alone but needed creature comforts too and the poor quality of accommodations we had affected my mood quite a bit. I didn't mind the walking and climbing so long as I could have a hot bath at the end of the day and a decent bed to sleep on. It was not always to be. So, while I did learn a lot, I don't think my $4k was well spent.

On a happier note, I was very encouraged to hear from the editor of Seasons of Life (my church newsletter) that many readers were blessed by the serialisation of my 8 Not-So-Simple-Rules for Dating. That made me really happy. It was frustrating to edit my articles to 1500 words and I felt that at times my style of writing had to be compromised, but I'm glad to have had the opportunity to be published :) Maybe I should write a book like J keeps telling me to :)

A Germ of an Idea

I chanced upon a blog today that has captured my imagination. It is written by a lady who is determined to "age disgracefully" :) I love that idea! I have been focusing on doing this gracefully and realise, hey, it is so much more fun being disgraceful about it :) My daughters, you have been warned.

Anyway, this lady (who currently feels like a bff) also maintains a website on travelling solo. And I love it! It was comforting to read about other women who feel that same nagging feeling I had yesterday but get off their butt and travel anyway. And there is a whole community of them whom I am longing to connect with. Their travel tales excite me and I feel I really want to do this - travelling solo. It is not an instinct for me. I still prefer to travel with my daughters and /or friends. But I am beginning to think, maybe, just maybe, there is another way. After all, after my first miserable night - which, my new bff assures me is a loneliness felt by every one of these solo travellers :) - I did enjoy my spa holiday at Javana.

So ... I just might ...

Counting Down...

6 days to go! The reality hit me yesterday that my tour of Israel was oh so near! Last night I dusted off my suitcase, heaved it up on a chair and began my ritual of packing for a trip. One week before I leave, this is what I do. Then over the week I put stuff in, and take stuff out, and buy stuff I need... I think I actually enjoy the process of packing :) Being the compulsive list-er that I am, of course I have a travel packing list - 2 actually, one on my iPhone and one on my laptop - and tomorrow I will whip it out and start going through the list to be sure I have everything I need. No doubt, this is the reason my suitcases weigh a ton whenever I travel :)

I have mixed feelings about my impending trip. It is one of two "trips-of-my-lifetime" and part of me is looking forward to it very excitedly. But there is also a part of me that is anxious. You see, by nature, I am cautious. The time-tested road is the one that instinctively appeals to me. But over the years I have challenged myself in small ways to take the road less travelled, to take risks and to be open to new experiences. Many times I have succeeded and had a great time. Some times I have stayed safe. But every time a new opportunity presents itself, I feel the now familiar tug-of-war between cautious-me and intrepid-me.

There is no reason for my anxiety. I will be on an organised tour group, I am travelling with a trusted friend, J and R are fine in their own lives, work is at a low season and except for an aching knee, my health is good. Yet, there is a small familiar tug. I recognise it; I know it will go away. It feels like homesickness. But it's just resistance to change :)

My 53rd...

Every year I gain 2 kgs in the week of my birthday. This year has not proved to be an exception :) My fondness for chocolate has become too much of a common knowledge and so yes, there has been an abundance of chocolate, chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream...

The best cake award of this year goes to the yummilicious cake bought by my CYAN cell group - a creation called Grand Cru Royale by Centre-ps which is a cakeshop in Tiong Bahru. They have an irritatingly slow website so I am not linking, but the cake was superb. It had a hazelnut praline crunch base and a chocolate mousse top and was absolutely delicious :) Thus began my eating odyssey on Wednesday, 4 days before my birthday...



On Friday, 5th Nov, which was also Deepavali Day, Johnson, Yvonne and Freya took me out for dinner at chili's. I have been wanting to try this restaurant for a while but just didn't get around to so I enjoyed the experience quite a bit. Dear Yvonne arranged for a surprise song from the restaurant staff and I got a birthday balloon too :)

And flowers, and books and a fridge magnet :)

On the eve of my birthday, I went on a day spa trip to Batam with my sister, J and Kelsey. It was a quaint place called Tempat Senang and we booked in for a 3 hour spa session. It felt like a mini holiday, boarding the ferry and getting picked up and driven to the spa. The spa owner had arranged for a birthday cake for me but it was delivered in such an awkward manner that it was laughable rather than a touching gesture!

I was quite disappointed by our reception because no one seemed to notice we had arrived. Then a lady came and asked us to choose our treatments and while we were looking at the spa menu, the chef came and said there was a cake for us. The lady was very puzzled and said she had no idea what that was about, she asked the owner who came and said vaguely, "Oh you didn't ask for a cake? Ok then" and wandered off! So we left the cake alone and went off to have lunch. During lunch, the cake made an appearance again. This time it had been cut and we were served 4 slices with a candle stuck on! Hmph! Like I said, a little more panache would have made it a thoughtful gesture instead of the awkward one it turned out to be :( That said, the masseuse was awesome!

My birthday was on the first Sunday of November so all of us with birthdays and anniversaries in November got prayed for at the E2 service. I was really glad my sister came to church with us and liked the sermon as well. Here I am with CYAN people and dear Emma and Ale (that baby is growing fast!)

I must say I had a GREAT birthday. Because J arranged for surprise visits by my friends. I must confess I messed up her plans quite a bit by refusing to have dinner and insisting on watching a movie at 7.30 pm when she had arranged a surprise dinner for me :) Poor Jen.

After church we went to Krish for tea but J wasn't done with surprises yet and I had 3 more surprise visitors for tea, bearing cake from - where else - Awfully Chocolate :) My dear friends, who shall remain unidentified and unnamed by request, I appreciate you :)

And my darling orchestrator of my birthday, thank you. I love you.

We went to watch 'It's a Wonderful After Life' in the evening and I liked the movie except for one sequence at the engagement party which was too long and too ridiculous to be funny. And ended the day at Swenson's... I should have taken the pic BEFORE we demolished the sundae instead of after it ;)

My birthday celeration did not, however, end on Sunday. My CYAN cell celebrated my birthday jointly with Emmy at Penang Kitchen on Monday night... Embarrassed me no end :)

Following this, my old friend Andy bought me lunch at Thai Express on Tuesday and I celebrated a joint birthday with my friend Fiona whose birthday is today by having brunch at Dome...

I think I'm done now... It has been a week of excesses :)

Reflection

MM Lee has been on my mind this week. It has been more than 20 days since his wife passed away and the public spotlight is no longer on him. No more public scrutiny of his grief, his stoicism, his pain. And I feel drawn to pray for him.

He is a man I have admired for a long time. J laughs at me for this, but despite all the criticism I have heard, read and voiced myself, at the end of it all, I would still say I admire him. While I have long admired his political acumen, decisiveness, foresight and high standards, events in recent months have revealed a more personal side to him and I have come to respect him not just as a political leader but as a husband.

Ken says I should not hold LKY as a standard to measure men. He thinks LKY set too high standards that other men cannot measure up to. But I am tempted to ask, why not? LKY is right to say "Don't judge a man until the coffin has been closed on him". No one is perfect. But as men go, I think LKY is someone who has lived right. He may not always have done right, but it is very hard to say what decisions we ourselves might have made in the heat of political battle.

Yet as his life winds down, I feel I like him even more. His recent interview touched me in its honesty, humility and doggedness. What touched me most of all was his devotion to his wife. How many men will sit by the bedside of their comatose wife and read her poems she loved? To me, just this one act of love redeems him. And the opening line of the ST article on Mrs Lee's funeral said it all - "In the end there was just a man who loved his wife till the end." That's it.

A Pearl

Writing is good therapy. Most times it works. Some days I can't. I seem to have entered a tunnel period. Maybe it is a phase. Maybe it is hormonal. Maybe it is a natural consequence. Whatever it is, I decided I would come write in my blog to distract myself. And to share a quote I found:

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear that results from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl." (Stephen Hoeller).

I feel encouraged by this thought. It gives meaning to an emotional state. And a hope that something beautiful will yet come out of all this.

I am Consumed

AAAAAGH!!!! My portfolio has taken over my life. I have stuff I want to blog about but I have been devoting every spare hour to the portfolio! It is a monster that refuses to be sated. It is a whiny 2 year old that wants more, more, more. It is a naggy old lady who sits in a corner of my mind and says in a quavery voice "Isn't there more you could do? Are you sure you are done? What about..."

I am putting together this portfolio for a job I am applying for. And I have to compile evidence from my work life to show that I have met 5 Standards like 'Leading in Professional Development" or 'Contributing to School and Nation" and my least favourite one "Leading in Professional Ethos". Everyone I speak to says "of course you can do it" or "surely you have enough stuff to show" and I too think I do BUT the trick you see, is not in simply collecting evidence but in putting things together coherently, stitching it all together so the portfolio tells the story of my teaching career. And of course I am a perfectionist and in my eyes, I never seem to have done enough.

Other than this internal struggle, I also am contending with external factors such as office work that still needs to be done, of course, and office printers that do not work! The latter really gets my goat because these printers have apparently not been working for a while. But instead of reporting the malfunctioning printer(s), I think people have just switched to using other available printers. So when I reported one printer and the IT guy came to fix it he couldn't connect me to any other working printer because one after another of the printers he connected me to ended up not working :) Poor guy - what he thought was a routine 15 minute job ended up taking him 3 hrs!

Anyway, here I am, working on my portfolio again. I had Session #3 of my root canal this morning so I have the day off. I really want to get this portfolio done by tomorrow. I wish I had a PA who knew what needed to be done so I could just say "Print that document, tag and file" and it would be done :) I hope this job (if I get it) turns out to be worth all of this :)